I feel like im a character in a video game that I myself am playing. Like I know what happens next, I know what's good and what's bad but I just can't bring myself to make good decisions. I keep making bad decisions, im aware but I just dont care, stuff I should feel I dont feel them. With certain people, certain versions of me, but when im by myself, nothing, like when you play a game and go afk. What is happening? Nothing in my head, i see everyone as puppets that one higher power plays with, including myself. I dont have interest in anything. I dont have hope. But I have everything, family, friends, and I love them. But again, I question myself what is the definition of realism. Cause I know all the outcomes, humans have been around for quite enough time to know when you see someone, the same type of person existed thousands of years ago, forgotten, rotten. They make a choice, good or bad, and when u think of that, I look at my life and say to myself, what's it worth? If I already know the outcome of my decision. School has been around for some time, bullies and victims, who is always at fault? The victim, the one who defends himself? No?
I guess I should make the good decisions, be a great man, and go like everyone else. But again I just dont care, and I can't bring myself to care about my decisions anymore.
But I will always be kind, because you people have something i dont, you have hope, you have faith, or maybe you don't, maybe you are like me, not careless, not carefree but just, observing everything around you including yourself. Its a blessing and a curse.
"I am not who YOU think i am,
I am not who I think i am,
I am who I think YOU think i am."
\- A wise man
I dont have my perspective, ive got them all, and none at the same time. Thats why its hard for me to decide my definition of happiness. I say i want happiness when i dont even know how to describe it, and to everyone it is different. Same goes to depression, its hard to see it because its different in everyone.
I think I've wrote enough by now. In case i dont see ya again, good morning, good evening, and good night.