There goes my dream to be an elite runner
I recently joined the Wings for Life World Run, where 100% the entry fees goes to helping find a cure for spinal cord injuries. Since having been diagnosed last month (21 M, Grade 1 spondylolisthesis L5-S1), I knew my registration is going to a good cause. I have never seen the spine as that important until only after my diagnosis.
Obviously, I didn't attempt to run at all because my doctor hasn't cleared me to do any physical activity aside from walking, I only walked the whole time. As I was watching people run past me, I couldn't help but cry and wipe my tears away so that no one would see me crying. It was so heartbreaking seeing everyone run while I just walk. I know I could have it worse like be paralyzed but running used to be my life. If I needed to clear my head, I would run. Running is what helped me get over my past relationship and several other problems in life. Everything that happened to me made me improve my running. My fastest 5k pace was 4:39min/km and I am also able to run a 10k under an hour. My goal this year was to run a half marathon and eventually a marathon. I wanted to be avid runner until I became old, hopefully running alongside my future family—but life has weird ways of crushing my dreams.
Before writing this, I've already read about running on this subreddit and majority said they had to stop because it's a high impact activity. I don't want to stop running, but I'm afraid that if I continue to do so then I'll expedite the progression of my spondy. I don't want run for one time and be dreading the pain for days afterwards. I also don't want to suddenly just lose sensation in my legs mid run and fall again. All that scares me and I feel so hopeless right now. I'm planning to sell my running shoes as soon as possible because I know I won't be getting back into that. Ideally, I'd want to get a pars repair, but I can't afford it as of now since I'm only a junior in college—and to make it worse, I live in a third world country so the healthcare here is subpar.
How I wish I could turn back time and prevent my injury from ever happening in the first place. I am still cycling through the stages of grief until now. I hate to admit it but I get pissed looking at people who don't make the most of their body like they're all just living sedentary lifestyles. What I would give to regain what I lost and have a perfectly healthy spine...