““How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace. But now it is too late, and peace is hidden from your eyes.”
Luke 19:42
I lost my sight, I lost my vision. It was the hardest thing that was given . My eyes saw the world a prison. I saw the control from the unforgiven, The manipulation behind was my prescription so I could produce what I was living. The fear I held that turned into control and I thought it was precision . That in turn hurt others from my decisions.
You have given your eyes now and I can’t live this lie. I was the only one to receive it at this time. I had hoped they would received near the same time. I guess they needed a bit more time. The love you have gave I have given and may it be tucked away in their hearts so it will be risen. I shall walk away and pray in your time they know you have risen.
My walk with God has been extremely challenging. I have been losing a lot in my walk with my Father and it has not been easy. I lost my girlfriend who I loved dearly but couldn’t let go of herself and she didn’t want to walk the path I was going. I lost my friends who dislike this new version of me who seeks the Father. I see these people everyday because we work together. I see the pain through their eyes their dissatisfaction. I tried to explain but their heart wasn’t ready in that time. I walked through the fire of the lions den every other day and pray to remained unchanged in my faith. I have helped others and I have gained new friends but the ones who I loved the most are the hardest to reach. Today I think is the day where probably get let go from my Job for safety concerns because I worked in a warehouse. I feel low and it couldve been prevented by me but after everything I was going through I was going through motions. I stopped caring at my job and just did enough to get by. Is this the wilderness season? Half of these choices were self inflicted and I’m trying to lead others to God but I’m worn out and don’t care anymore. Prophets grief? To be misunderstood? I see the path and I see God weaving the road but man it’s been too hard. Nevertheless my faith is still in him but I’m tired to do right.