I (22F, turning 23 this week) was talking to my boyfriend (22M) about a book I’m reading (Hunting Adeline), and the topic of sexual assault came up. During the conversation, he said something that really threw me off.
He told me that if he were with a girl and she got raped, he wouldn’t be able to stay with her afterward. His reasoning was that he “couldn’t deal with another person being inside of her” and that he would see her as “disgusting.”
I was honestly shocked. My reaction was the complete opposite I said that if someone you love goes through something that traumatic, wouldn’t you want to support them, be there for them, and help them heal? I can’t imagine seeing someone I care about in that vulnerable of a state and just leaving them.
Part of why this hit me so hard is that I’ve gone through various traumas in my life. I’m diagnosed with Complex PTSD along with depression and anxiety, and while I’m not comfortable sharing details, I know what it’s like to carry trauma. Hearing him talk this way made me feel uneasy on a deeper level.
He didn’t really budge, and now I feel really uncomfortable about what this says about how he views women, trauma, and even me.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but this feels like a pretty serious difference in values.