Hello, thanks in advance for any advice.
I live in North Carolina. My aging mother (68) lives in Maryland. My mother has been on disability for almost 20 years now and is in rough shape (physically, mentally, and financially), possibly facing being unable to live independently within the next year or so.
My mother’s ideal outcome would be to move in with me. That is never happening (and I’ve told my husband to book me emergency therapy sessions if I even consider it). My mother has at least some good intentions, but I do not want her to have unsupervised access to my child or home.
Her second favorite scenario would be to move into a nursing home near us.
My ideal outcome would be for her to move into a nursing home in Maryland. I moved away and stayed away for a reason. I don’t want my mother in a bad situation, but I also prefer maintaining distance.
My mother has never been great at organizing a plan of action and following through, so unless the state stepped in to help her, she would need some assistance from me to change her living situation.
I would be willing to help her get into a nursing home. But I’ve heard about filial responsibility laws and am worried about becoming financially responsible for her care. I have bailed my mother pit of financial problems and been tricked into paying for her delinquent medical bills in the past, and want to know if there are steps I can take to protect ourselves before I help my mother at all with her living situation.
My husband and I are just in the process of buying our first house. We have money saved for that and are saving for our child’s future and our retirement. I will not put our child in the awkward situation I’m in now with my mother by not planning for our retirement, if I can avoid it. So while we technically have decent salaries and savings, we do not have expendable income for my mother’s care.
My mother’s only asset (to my knowledge) is a modest home with a paid off mortgage that is in a state of fairly bad disrepair and would not sell for even close to market value (zillow estimate $275k). I don’t want anything from my mother or any proceeds from the house but she wants me to help her sell it and then either help her move in with us (not an option) or help her move into a nursing home near us.
Is there anything I should be aware of while navigating this situation so that I do not become financially responsible for my mother’s care?
Location: North Carolina, USA