I'm currently wrapping up my second year of undergrad, and I'm kind of embarrassed to find myself lonely, without any friends to hang out with outside of class. I can talk to people and interact with my peers well, and I have been doing that, but none of them seems willing to invite me to hang out or do anything outside of class apart from simply studying. While I can't say I don't have a friend group, I do have a friend group from my freshman year that I still talk with now, but since I'm in an engineering major and my friend group is a business major, our schedules often don't align. Last year, they would ask me to hang out a bunch, and I would invite them the same, and during this year, I noticed that they started to steer away from me, as they asked me to hang out less and less as this year progressed. This really hurt me as I often see them post stuff on Instagram, going to places, trying new foods, going shopping (all the things that I did with them last year), and I was not invited to any of them. The only time that I got invited to something this year was to their birthday party, which is cool, but outside of that, I was left out of the circle completely, and it really hurt. Speaking of hurt, the thing that hurts me the most is seeing them eat together at the dining halls and not asking me if I would like to grab a bite to eat or anything like that. Even if I do ask, they would often say that they have plans or they're busy. A few times when they said this, I saw them walk into a restaurant or hop on the Metro to go somewhere to get food, as I walked back to my dorm, which hurt a lot as they said that they were "busy."
I feel like my sophomore year has been a complete failure, not academically or professionally, but socially. This year, I landed two research positions, have multiple summer internship offers, and I'm hitting PRs in the gym. But none of that seems to matter when I'm eating alone and exploring the city alone. With my 21st birthday coming up in September, I honestly believe that this year is going to be my first time celebrating my birthday alone, with no friends or with anyone really, given that my family is far from my university.
As I prepare to go into my third year of college, I'm scared that I'm going to completely miss out on the college experience, and I'm scared that at graduation, I'm not going to have any friends to take pictures with or share the moment with.
I apologize for this long and messy writing, as I was just purely dumping my thoughts and emotions.