Hi guys I was just wondering if any of you had the same situation happen to me this week during my advocacy (crim lit) station?
I cannot say what when where why who how or what planet I did this on because of #NDA but in general I had a good plan coming out of my criminal advocacy prep (knew the test, had the facts, structured well) and went in to this sage gentleman in a little green bow tie who was already looking at his crib sheet looking perplexed and scratching his head.
I had a slight moment of “is this the right room” but he appeared to acknowledge me finally and I stood in front of him. So I tried to recompose myself and began with my most confident three words of the session “Good morning, Judge.”
“Can I just stop you there please.”
… what
In no universe or paradigm was I expecting that response. An interruption?? what happened to my 10 minutes or so of rushed garbled law?
“Just- could you have a quick look at this. Now, if I transfer my Cotswolds alpaca farm into a Panamanian discretionary trust, does it still qualify for Agricultural Property Relief against Inheritance Tax, or will HMRC view the alpacas as a taxable benefit in kind?”
Wh-
“I have a calculator here and the figures.”
No, please n-
“Could you just calculate the exact Capital Gains liability on the fleeces, assuming they are wasting chattels, applying the March 1982 rebasing rules, and converting the final sum into Panamanian Balboas?”
Every functioning organ in me died there and then (besides my sweat glands, which were now on a cocktail of steroids and cocaine). The husk of a body I was operating shook as I took his CASIO fx-85GTCW (not exam compliant btw) and proceeded to quickly and conveniently develop both dyscalculia and an inability to write as I pretended to recall any tax figures or even what an alpaca was.
Five hou- sorry, minutes, passed, and the rough paper was now beginning to look like something Picasso would be proud of, when the judge said:
“Oh, sorry, those are the old figures.”
WHA-
He shifted his bottom gently and procured a creased, slightly damp stack of off-white papers in italic monospace.
“Just a quick crunch. Thanks.”
Using the old papers to wipe away all the bodily secretions on my face, I hyperventilated through the impossible impromptu tax question that I was PROMISED WOULD NOT APPEAR IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM WHAT THE HELL r/SQE_PREP
The knock came. It wasn’t a dream. THAT was my criminal advocacy session.
“Thanks m'boy.”
I can’t remember much after seeing the St John’s Ambulance blaring for me after that session.
Anyway I’m currently sitting in A&E waiting for discharge with a diagnosis of ‘acute alpaca-induced trauma’ and a mild heart arrhythmia
My question is: does anyone know if the SRA accepts mitigating circumstances for accidentally aiding and abetting a simulated judge in international offshore tax evasion? Or is that just an automatic fail under the Statement of Solicitor Competence?
I have Property Practice tomorrow morning and I also need to know if I should be brushing up on Panamanian extradition treaties or if I should just throw myself into the Thames right now?
TL;DR: My criminal advocacy examiner used me for free tax advice regarding South American livestock. Please, please tell me someone else had the alpaca guy???