This is the worst thing I have ever done to myself. I just want it to be over.
I am just starting my third trimester.
I became pregnant a few months after moving abroad for a new job. My husband quit his to accompany me. We both wanted children. I wasn't ready to start trying yet because I was so exhausted from moving but he twisted my arm and I became pregnant almost immediately.
My husband does nothing but play video games anymore. Doesn't go outside often, doesn't go to the gym, hasn't explored the city much and hasn't made any friends here. He only does the chores he enjoys. I still do 80% of the housework. He insists he's not depressed and loves it here but he does not do shit. We're also no longer intimate because I'm in bed exhausted at 9 pm and he's up all night gaming.
Work has been absolute hell. I have so much more work now that I'm pregnant because everyone knows I'm leaving soon. I am still expected to pull 12+ hour days like nothing's wrong. Can barely make it out of bed most days and can barely do my job anymore.
I've been surviving off takeout. House is a mess because husband doesn't care and I don't have the energy to clean. Barely exercised because I barely have the energy to work out.
Gyno yelled at me yesterday because I'm gaining too much weight. Because my blood pressure's not really high but should be lower.
I feel like such a failure. I can't take care of myself anymore. I can't keep the house clean. Don't know anything about childcare and haven't read any books. I feel so trapped in this body, I can't do anything anymore because everything is too much for me. All the pressure is on me. I have no one to talk to. All I do is lie in bed and scroll through all the anti-children posts on reddit wondering why tf I ever thought this was a good idea.
Baby is apparently healthy. I haven't had many symptoms. Haven't even thrown up once. I wanted this at some point for some reason. I am supposed to be happy but other people have turned this into hell.