I’m really struggling to read these last few months while being homeless. I know God has called me to a higher purpose but I can’t bring myself to do what He has asked due to poverty and my abusive/neglectful ‘family’ and other things. After being treated so badly literally my entire life (think Joseph level betrayal), I don’t want to help anyone because I can’t even trust anyone. When I do show up to help a friend, they literally ghost me after they get what they want out of me-advice, money, support. But yet God still wants me to help these people?
I know Jesus is real as He shows up for me in little ways-synchronicities, books, music ect that randomly point to Him and it could only be Him type of thing. I also hear His voice at times but then half the time it’s Satan speaking, so it’s super confusing. I have prophetic gifting but due to the 2 different voices, I haven’t even wanted to pray.
I ask God to send help and a miracle and He says He will but then it never comes. So sometimes I just think I’m going crazy with the voices. It’s been super painful and lonely and I want to live a normal life but every time I try it doesn’t work out. So I just choose to live in isolation. Cause being around people drains me too much. My quality of life is just so bad. The enemy has been trying to take me out for a long long time.
I know this is very specific and I don’t know if anyone else can relate. But I thought I would reach out and see if anyone else has gone through a similar circumstance and how did you overcome your flesh, keep in the word and pray while going through so much?