First time mom, and I’m wondering if these feelings are normal or if this may be PPD/PPA. My baby is almost a year old now. The newborn phase was of course tough, and obviously I cried more than once lol. But ever since my baby has been 8-9 months old, I’ve been feeling more anxious/depressed.
I love my son more than anything, and he’s a great, happy, active baby. I have good support (husband, parents, friends), and I work part time 2-3 days per week. We sleep trained at about 6 months and he is now a pretty good sleeper, no overnight wakes unless he’s teething or not feeling well. We are financially stable. So, essentially, I have no valid excuse to feel this way.
I find myself irritated, angry, and impatient. I feel anxious most days. I spend hours researching and thinking about what foods to make him (he’s on 3 solids per day, + breastfed, and we are dealing with mild to moderate constipation). I have little motivation to do much of anything, and most days I feel trapped, despite getting baby and I out at least once per day (store, play dates, library, etc). When I get upset with my boy or complain, I then feel extreme guilt for feeling this way, when I know lots of people can’t have kids or have sick babies or whatever. I have this fear now that the universe is going to punish me for being ungrateful for my son by giving him some illness, or taking him from me in some other way.
I’ve been thinking of making an appointment with my OB (who I haven’t seen since freshly postpartum) to discuss, but I can’t get myself to make the call.
Prior to all this, I was sure I wanted two kids. Now when people ask me about having another, I feel dread. Then I feel guilt for not being willing to giving my son a sibling, when again, I have no valid excuse to feel this way.
Just wanted to see if anyone else has felt this way, or has other insight.