u/Admirable_Border_627

Hi. Had depression for 30+ years and anxiety for at least ten.

Been particularly bad the last few years.

Tried just about everything, multiple meds and therapies etc etc.

My GP has suggested I take time off work before but I turned it down, mostly out of fear that it would affect my job, but recently I've changed meds yet again and I'm going through hell waiting for the new ones to have any effect. So I agreed to some time off.

They offered me a month but I just took two weeks, which will see me through to my next psychiatrist appointment.

I emailed my manager with the doctor's note saying I'd be off and told the teams I work with I'd be off for a while, then closed my laptop and have been too anxious to open it since and see what they have replied.

What do people usually do when they're signed off with mental illness? I don't want to bed rot as I think that will make me feel worse, but the first day I was off I went to some art galleries and for a long walk as I thought those would be things that would make me feel better, and it did, but I felt really guilty because if I'm well enough to be out and about most people would consider me well enough to work?

I also have no idea how long I would get paid for if I'm off for more than a week, does anyone know how that works, or does it vary from company to company?

I can't afford to lose even a single days pay.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I'm just feeling a conflicting mixture of relief and guilt, and want some advice on how best to spend this time to help myself feel better. Thanks.

Going out is, generally, good for my mental health. Especially going for walks in nature.

But increasingly I find myself unable to leave the flat because of my anxiety, and because I hate walking around my local area.
I keep thinking of the meme that says 'my mental health walks make my mental health worse because my area is shit'.

I am fortunate to live very near a park, but it's always very busy, far too busy for me, and I've walked round it thousands of times and I'm just so bored of it.

I think part of the reason walks sometimes help me is not just the exercise, but being in a different environment, seeing new things etc. And I don't get that from walking round the same areas over and over again.

I keep avoiding going to the gym because the walk there is so miserable (I don't drive and avoid public transport where possible too).

On days off I can go somewhere a bit further afield or go on a really long walk, but I don't know what to do after work in the evening etc when I feel like I desperately need to get out of the tiny flat I exist in, but cannot face walking locally.

Can anyone else relate or is it just me? Any advice to get past this block?