u/Admirable-Region-418

Even when you know he hurt you so deeply, was actively engaging with other women, had repeatedly cheated, refused to be or stay employed and put every stress possible on you - how is it you still love and miss that person? How is it it still tears your heart out to be away from them ... And you created this ultra unhealthy reality for yourself, to make it make sense you leaned all the way in, into codependency and toxic traits that made you incredibly ugly and verbally vile and literally fed an addiction driven by sadness that you're left to overcome on your own ... I gave up chunks of myself for nearly a decade because I loved him more than myself, so much so I didn't believe the reality ... Life can be cruel and painful. I know I'll heal. We all do. But fuck man, this shit sucks. It's been 3 weeks since he's been gone but it feels like yesterday. I wish healing and the cycle of grief wasn't so damn painful.