u/Admirable-Quail6589

I was doing a cleansing/protection spell (I think someone’s been messing with my energy because I have had the worst bad luck streak going for about 6 months now) and during my spell I opened my book of shadows and a pincher bug flew out, I am terrified of bugs and I instinctively smashed it under a jar (not a spell jar just a regular one that holds my makeup) and I am worried that this is some sort of bad omen. Also recently, ALL of my spells have either backfired or became physically unsafe (fire alarm, for example) and I’ve had to interrupt/end them early. I haven’t been able to fully focus on a single spell in months without some external distraction, and I’m worried that I ended a life (of the bug) during my spell, and that could also lead to bad karma. Is there anything I need to worry about?

I (21F) am a second year in my musical theatre BFA program, and I have never been cast in a single show. We have one audition a semester. I blame myself for my freshman year auditions, the first one I only had an hour to prepare and the second I had the flu, but I have no clue why I wasn’t cast the second time. I got a callback for the fall musical, and didn’t book it. I went to the director for feedback and she said I would’ve got it if she gave me a note and had me sing again, but she didn’t have time at callbacks for that. The second semester I got called back for the play and the musical, and since I was called back for the lead in the musical, I didn’t have much time to focus on learning Shakespeare sides that I didn’t really care about. I sang the audition sides and then most people were cut from callbacks except me and a final few, we did a bunch of improv and stuff at the end of callbacks and I felt super confident. The next day, the director literally sought me out to tell me I did exactly what he’s looking for in an audition, yet I still got cast in nothing. I have no clue what I’m doing wrong. I went to my professors for advice and I got nothing helpful. It was mostly stuff like it could’ve gone any way, everyone was so equally talented, blah blah blah, essentially that I didn’t everything and he had zero notes for me, I just got unlucky. The person who was cast over me has already been in like 5 shows here, and I’ve done zero, despite my school having a show requirement to graduate. I literally have no clue what I need to be doing better. Objectively, I’m a great singer and a very intermediate level dancer, and I’d say I’m a decently strong actor. I’m always a favorite in all my classes and I get endless compliments from my peers during classes and recitals, and everyone tells me they thought I was gonna get cast, so I know it’s not a talent issue. I’ve also been told I’m conventionally attractive, and I’m white and skinny, I’ve heard demographics play a big role in casting. I’m also a double major, but I still put so much work into my MT classes. My biggest flaw, according to said director, is that I don’t handle rejection well, and I need to fix my posture, but besides that I’m doing great and I’m exceeding expectations. Genuinely, what do I do? I really need to be in a musical, it’s actually starting to affect my mental health and also make me question if I’ve chosen the right career.