Is it better to leave her in ignorance? My mom is devout but lacks basic Catechesis.
Hey everyone. Long-time lurker here. I’m hitting a bit of a moral dilemma and could use some perspective.
My mom (64yo) is a "cultural Catholic", the type from the old school who is very devout in her own way, but was never really taught the why or the theology behind the Church. Since I started taking my faith seriously, she’s started coming to Mass with me, which is amazing, but it's creating me some internal questions.
I’ve been studying the Catechism and learning things she’s never heard of, like the distinction between mortal and venial sin, the deadly sins, the social teachings of the Church and the requirements for confession or even contrition. She, on the other hand, is missing some of basic foundations, things like:
• Mass Attendance & Precepts: She didn't know missing Sunday Mass or Holy Days of Obligation is a grave matter. When I gently explained she shouldn't receive Communion because of it, she got very discouraged. She told me that that sound like those "crazy evangelists" with their "weird social rules" and legalism. (later I explained her that thats part of the Ten Commandments)
• The Eucharistic Fast: She has no idea about fasting at least 1 hour before receiving the Eucharist
• Confession: She randomly went to talk with our priest right after Mass, (but I know she doesn't know how to do a proper Examination of Conscience in order to know what to be regret for, or the Act of Contrition), and confess pretty quickly, the priest of course absolved her, but it leaves me thinking.
• The Communion Line Pressure: She sees everyone else getting up to receive and feels like she should just follow the crowd, not realizing there are state-of-grace requirements.
I’m torn between two sides:
- I want to believe that because she acts from the heart and not malice, God sees her intent and she isn't held to the same standard of knowledge, and of course her confession is valid as there’s no full knowledge to be mortal. I’m tempted to leave her with this "simple faith" so she stays close to the Church and doesn't get overwhelmed.
- I know that, from a technical perspective, she could be breaking Church law (without actually knowing). I feel a weight of responsibility. Am I being complicit by staying silent? Is it my duty to intervene and teach her to protect the sanctity of the sacraments, even if it risks pushing her away a little of them because I’m being too “strict”?
I’m terrified that if I start dumping all these requirements on her, she’ll get overwhelmed***,*** and for example, will stop receiving the Eucharist forever because there are a lot of “rules”. I don't want her to view our faith as just a heavy list of obligations (like some of the stricter denominations with irrational rules) rather than a beautiful relationship with God.
How do you handle the guilt of knowing someone you love is technically breaking (or not, because it doesn’t have the enough knowledge) Church rules out of a pure lack of formation? I have been talking with her about little things like the obligation of going every Sunday (even if she stop taking the Eucharist until she confess I know that she felt a little frustrated), and the necessity of a good confession, but should I “disclosure” the whole thing or she is herself supposed to find the full knowledge?
Whats the best moral/practical resolution? let her in ignorance so she can continue living her faith and sacraments(and being in a state of grade as she does not what even is a mortal sin, if that’s even correct), or start talking with her about the Catechism for example.
I’d appreciate any advice, especially from those who have helped lead their parents back to the fullness of the faith. :)
*Excuse me if I’m wrong about any term/theological stuff, If that’s the case I would love to be corrected in order to learn. / Not trying to be scrupulous
**TL;DR: Is it better to leave my mother in her "invincible ignorance" to protect her peace and relationship with the Church, or is it my moral duty to correct her on things like the Sunday Obligation and the state of grace in order to receive the Eucharist?