Struggling with surrender/commitment/heart posture, even with the wisdom God’s given me
Hello. I’ve been struggling with lust for a while now, but over the last 4 years I’ve really tried getting closer to God and allowing Him to reveal my brokenness and heal me. It’s come to a point where I honestly feel like He’s shown me all the reasons I fall, (triggers, trauma, brokenness, even boredom). Even revealed how lust will flee under His command through prayer and spiritual discernment. Yet…. I STILL give in so often? I’m writing this after giving in again. Afterwards I prayed feeling helpless and distant from God, but during that prayer it kept crossing my mind that God has ALREADY given me the tools I need to escape this, and I’m not using those tools. I keep praying for change and wisdom and conviction, while still ignoring the ways out He’s already revealed to me. This ALL comes down to my heart posture and truly choosing to let these desires go. But I’ve been STRUGGLING to lock in and fully surrender them. What practical steps can I take to flee and surrender temptation even when my flesh is screaming the loudest, even if part of me still craves it in that moment? In our flesh we will always have temptation there, but God gives us every tool we need to make our flesh obedient to us. Change WILL NEVER happen if we never say no and flee. But I’m struggling to stay committed for more than a couple days at a time. Struggling to officially let it all go. I keep holding on and looking back as if I need it. So I have not been allowing change to actually happen. Lately I have felt like God is very far from me, and I feel like it’s because i’ve literally pushed Him away. I know He will always love me and show up for me. But I believe the reason He FEELS distant is cause He is waiting for me to start making these moves to change. The more you choose to say no and flee, the more you’ll grow stronger in the spirit. And the closer God will draw towards you because denying those desires invites him further into your heart.
I really would appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced this struggle with surrender, and overcome it, because right now it genuinely feels impossible to break free. :( 🙏🏼