u/Additional-Visit-836

Note: I have used AI to make a report of my Issues.

Also this is a burner account.(So please don't ignore it as a bot account)

What I’m struggling with

I’m finding it difficult to explain myself properly in person, so I wrote this down.

I think I’ve been struggling with social anxiety, avoidance, compulsive coping habits, and low self-worth for a long time, and it has started affecting multiple areas of my life.

Social anxiety / social difficulties

I struggle a lot with talking to people, especially starting conversations.

I usually do not talk much unless I become very comfortable with someone. If I do become comfortable with one person, I tend to only talk to that one person and avoid everyone else because starting conversations with others feels difficult and mentally exhausting.

When I think about talking to new people, I often experience:

• fear of rejection
• blank mind / not knowing what to say
• overthinking
• feeling inferior
• physical anxiety

I often assume other people are not interested in talking to me even when I have no actual proof.

If I see a group of people laughing or talking, I sometimes automatically feel like they may be talking about me or judging me, even though logically I know that may not be true.

I also struggle with eye contact and social behavior. Sometimes if someone looks at me, instead of naturally smiling or looking away, I end up staring back because I feel uncomfortable or defensive.

I worry that I come across as awkward, boring, strange, uninteresting, or someone people would not want to talk to.

I am also very bad at small talk. In conversations, my mind often goes blank, which creates awkward silence and makes me feel worse.

This issue has caused me to avoid social situations at times.

Difficulty talking to women

I have significant anxiety around talking to girls/women my age.

I have not had normal conversations with girls around my age in several years (around 4–5 years).

This creates a lot of anxiety, avoidance, shame, and makes normal social interaction feel overwhelming.

Voice / communication issues

I also feel insecure about my voice and communication style.

My voice sometimes becomes weak, airy, or very low after talking for some time.

When I try to sing, my voice cracks or sounds unstable.

I feel like I don’t articulate clearly and sometimes feel embarrassed by how I sound.

This adds to my anxiety about talking.

Family / emotional openness

I also struggle with emotional openness even with my parents.

I do not feel like I have a strong emotional connection with them.

Growing up, my mother monitored many of my activities. My parents were not extremely strict, but I often felt the need to hide things, avoid being seen, or cover my tracks.

Over time I think I learned that hiding feels safer than being open.

I think this may have affected how I relate to people now.

I generally do not feel like I have a truly open or close relationship with anyone.

Self-esteem / thoughts about myself

I often think very negatively about myself.

Examples:

• feeling useless
• feeling inferior
• feeling like I have wasted opportunities
• believing other people are better than me socially
• feeling like something is fundamentally wrong with me

I sometimes feel like I have no purpose or meaning.

I have had thoughts for a long time about not wanting to exist or disappear.

Important: I am NOT currently planning to harm myself or act on these thoughts, but these thoughts have existed in the background for a long time.

Compulsive habits / escape behaviors

I think I use certain behaviors to escape discomfort, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, or emptiness.

These include:

• masturbation (sometimes excessively, multiple times in a day)
• pornography
• binge-watching content
• excessive dopamine-seeking / avoidance behavior

This often feels compulsive or automatic, not always driven by actual desire.

I have tried stopping many times and failed, which makes me feel ashamed and hopeless.

Functional status

Outwardly, I can still function reasonably:

• college is manageable
• hygiene, eating, sleep are mostly okay
• daily functioning is not collapsed

But internally I feel like I am struggling a lot.

What I want help with

I want help understanding what is happening.

I want to improve:

• social anxiety
• confidence
• communication
• relationships
• compulsive habits
• self-worth
• emotional openness
• ability to talk to people normally
• ability to build healthy connections

I do not want to keep living in avoidance and shame loops.