I have never suspected my bf of cheating, it’s been long distance for a year and we were planning for me to move to his city. I planned on getting my own apartment so I have space but we’re in the same proximity. He lives in America, we manage a 5 hour time difference and it’s an 8 hour flight away. We’ve visited each other multiple times, we’ve met family as well as friends where I have got to know them personally as well as him getting to know my circle over time.
Recently after visiting him in the states, coming back felt so weird and off. When he dropped me off at the airport he was so eager for me to leave, he didn’t really show signs he was sad about me going like usual. It felt like he was excited that I was leaving? I’m an over-thinker so I tried to dismiss this until a few days after I landed he told me he’s been thinking about a few things, especially our relationship. He didn’t say much except he feels like he doesn’t get time to focus on himself which is weird because to keep our relationship running only requires a text or call for the most part.
Fast forward a week later and he breaks up with me which I didn’t argue with I calmly accepted his decision, he asked how I felt about it and I left it as that. We got back together 2 days later when he said he’s made the biggest mistake and can’t believe he’d risk loosing me?
Just a day later his ex girlfriend messaged me a long paragraph saying they slept together a few nights ago and said he wants to get back with her and how he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, he’s never stopped loving her and was happy once I left. It hurt so bad considering it was a 5 year relationship and he mentioned it was toxic compared to our healthy union. What hurt more is the evidence, the messages between them and the calls. I couldn’t believe it but the more she spoke to me, our relationship feels like a lie considering the first 3 months of relationship he was still sleeping with her whilst I was back home? I also heard some more information since getting back together that just weeks after me leaving he’s trying to hook up with multiple girls whose friends know me. They’ve shown me messages to prove this and he sounds so desperate.
I confronted him about it all and he cried so so much and begged me to stay and weeks after I have but this is eating me alive and I don’t trust him anymore. I cry so much and I feel like I’m slowly loosing myself in this, I always told myself I would leave if this happened and I’m going against my own wishes by staying. I don’t want this, I don’t even know how to process this ?