Questioning sexuality?
Adding this after I have wrote, I don’t mean to be rude or sorry if I’m not using the right terms I’m trying.
To start off sorry if this is stupid and that it’s long. I’m going through it at the moment so I’m questioning a lot of things trying to ‘grow’ as a person and get out of long term depression.
I (M24) broke up recently with my partner (f) of roughly 2 years. I have always been in relationships with the opposite sex and I consider myself straight and I know that I am sexually and romantically attracted to women. I grew up in a smaller town and grew up with the impression that you’re either straight or gay there is no in between. If you are gay or other things you know when you’re a kid and that’s that.
My more serious relationships (I have had 2 so I don’t have much to go off) have ended for lots of reasons but a consistent is that we stop having sex I don’t initiate and I would rather jerk off. The initiating is a problem itself I’d say like 1 in 10 id initiate. I also have had sex many times cause I know my partner wants to even when I don’t really feel like It, I do enjoy sex but I have to get going to enjoy ya know. I’m not sure if I have like porn brain and that has ruined me or not but that is another issue in itself.
I been thinking and after some prior input from my ex trying to diagnose me and fix me do I potentially like the same sex or like is my sexuality not straight.
I know it’s ignorant but I have never thought about it at all I just went oh I like girls they’re pretty and stuck to that.
What questions am I meant to ask myself?
I think of the obvious one which is do I feel the same about men and women. Im pretty sure im not sexually attracted to men, I like anyone can admire an attractive man and have thought oh they look nice/pretty but I don’t want to kiss them or have sex.
I don’t have interest to watch like gay porn. But I also have never questioned like being in a relationship with a bloke or what that can look like. I only found out from my exes gay friends like 4 months back the meaning of like a top and bottom. I genuinely thought like all gay blokes “took it” I’m sorry I don’t know how else to put that.
Towards the end of the relationship my ex cause of the sexual issues asked me if I think I’m asexual or am potentially gay or one of the many other types out there. I immediately shut her down and said “no I’m straight that isn’t the issue blah blah blah” this has caused my little spiral cause I’m thinking something might be wrong with me. Oh well not wrong but you know.
I can keep yapping but to cut it so I don’t.
What questions do I ask myself?
Is there anything I should do?
Is it an ego issue towards sexuality?
Is it something I need to give a lot of time to and just wait it out and keep thinking about it?
Should I research a bunch of shit?
Am I just being a silly guy?
If you made it this far thanks for listening to my rant I hope it made some sense.