u/Active_Obligation632

My work is very good, and I just had my yearly review. The ratings were good across the board, and there were no concerns about performance, behavior, or anything like that.

The company I'm at gives yearly merit increases, and in my first few years there, I used to get the highest percentage, which was 6 percent.

For the last three cycles, I haven't received a merit increase because apparently I've reached the top of the salary band for my current role. After missing out on the raise again this cycle, I asked what I could do to help get the range adjusted or move into a range where there's room for me to grow. When I accepted the job about six years ago, the company told me that this kind of adjustment would happen over time.

My manager seemed completely normal about the question. Nothing strange, no warning, nothing that made me feel like I had stepped on a landmine.

At the beginning of this month, HR set up a call to answer to my question about merit pay.

HR started the meeting by saying that if I don't have a merit increase for four cycles in a row, then that means I'm underperforming. Then they put me on a Performance Improvement Plan for work that I'm already doing and achieving in my current role.

I honestly don't understand anything. So, I will ask for a meeting to discuss it. The problem is that I get nervous and stressed easily. Luckily, I just saw this comment, and it really inspires me about what should I do before the meeting to be ready for everything.

I don't know if this is the most suitable place to vent. I created a second account because some colleagues might know my main account. I'm not talking about hating my current job; I mean the entire structure of employment, the daily routine, everything.

I have several university degrees and professional qualifications. I'm now in my early forties, and I've been tied to this system for about 28 years, having moved between five different sectors. I've worked more than fifteen jobs, and honestly, I hated every single one of them. A few were acceptable, but that was because I was still young and their shifts were short.

My problem isn't the salary. In my last job, I was earning a good income and held a senior position where many people relied on my contributions. But I couldn't stand dragging myself out of bed at 6:00 AM. I hated being confined in stiff formal clothes all day. It bothered me that my absence would halt work. And the worst part? I would leave for work before dawn and return home long after sunset.

Every night, I would have maybe two hours to prepare food, eat it, and clean up. After all that, there was barely 45 minutes to catch my breath before getting ready for bed and repeating the cycle.

I understand that this is the "way of life" for most people, and I know many are unhappy, but for me, it has always been unbearable. In my mid-twenties, I used to talk about this feeling, and the usual response was "that's life, everyone deals with it, and it will get better." Well, after about two decades, it has become much harder.

My workdays consist of staring at my screen, checking the clock every few minutes, just wishing for the day to end. My entire week revolves around waiting for Friday night, and then, without fail, every Sunday night, I genuinely ask myself if I'd rather not wake up than face another Monday.

I've tried everything to fix this: changed companies, changed my entire career path, even went back to university to study a completely different field. Nothing made a difference. The fundamental hatred for work remained the same.

The only jobs I found even remotely acceptable were cleaning tables at a local restaurant a block or two from my house (short shifts, easy walk), organizing inventory at a library (short shifts, quick walk), and wrapping pastries at a local bakery (minimal interaction required, and my role was easily coverable if I wasn't there). So, is this just a personal hang-up of mine, or is this a widespread feeling that most people hide inside?