Posting on my alt account for anonymity. I found this sub recently and feel like crying, because it unlocks certain repressed memories and emotions.
I can’t remember a single thing about official GATE testing. Except one vivid memory, and one half memory. Ironically, my vivid memory was the first test.
Apparently before kindergarten started I missed the actual GATE testing, so they allowed me to be tested with the non-GATE kindergarten teacher, one-on-one. (We had 2 kindergarten classes at the school only). Just for placement for that year and they would test me later if things were conclusive. I don’t believe she had administered the test before but they were doing some special circumstances for me (I also had a brother 2 grades above who was in GATE so they had a feeling i would be too).
It was basic, being able to count, I think there may have been a responding to the beeps test on headphones? The teacher was caring and super sweet. She ended the counting test early, and honestly she cut the whole test off early. She said it was beyond evident I was gifted. She actually pushed to have me in her class instead of GATE, and even “joked” about it to my mom. I have a clear memory of this day, coming in to school when it was empty for the test, which route I walked to the classroom. I have always had an exceptional memory, my first was before I could even walk or talk.
I dont remember any official testing after that, except one memory. It was in class, maybe 1-2nd grade. They had us close our eyes and the lights were off, and you would raise your hand if you could do/understand something in the active test. I remember peeking and it was only me and my self-proclaimed “arch nemesis*” and maybe 1-2 other people who were raising their hands. It set off alarm bells, so I just stopped raising my hand. I knew the answers. I remember them taking the people who kept their hands raised out of the class. I felt…relieved? Also slightly hurt bc of my ego, and I should have gone with them. They continued to pull that group of people out of class for testing over the years.
I had this eerie feeling in elementary school, when i would be home from school alone in my room; the feeling of being watched (by my classmates particularly, but now i think it’s just bc i associated them with school). This feeling didn’t go away until 6th grade, when I transferred out of GATE and public school.
Weird that the only tests i remember are the ones that were unofficial testing. Reading stories here have been helpful, but how do i reclaim my memories? I can feel the block when I think about the subject. Like it’s been erased.