I was a senior in high school (1996) when I figured out that I had aphantasia. I was in a class in school and the teacher had everyone close their eyes and she was instructing everyone to picture this or picture that. I don't even remember what she was having people envision. Because I was stunned at this. Up until that point I had always thought it was a figure of speech or something. I remember feeling like a freak. I didn't know what it was called back then, and it wasn't really something I was going to bring up to anyone. I think it was around 2015 when I finally found out there was a name for it, and that other people had the same thing.
Just this month I learned that there is the same sort of in your mind type of thing for taste, sound, smell and touch. Shocked again. How did I go this long and not know about those either. In case you haven't guessed, I have none of those either. AI told me it's called complete aphantasia, today is also when I found out about inner monologue. Which I also don't have. I think thought in words but no sound or voice or anything. I'm still shocked about it all still.
But I thought I would share some insights about my life that are a bit interesting considering I have none of those "abilities".
I'm a very good artist. I can draw people's portraits, and they are always mistaken for photographs. All I need is a photograph. Yet I can't picture anybody's face when I close my eyes. I'm a 3D artist and I specialize in realism Product Visualization. I've had my work featured in 3D World Magazine. But when I close my eyes all I see is Black, and sometimes red if like is shining through my eyelids.
I'm very good at recognizing faces. Even aged or with heavy studio makeup. But I can't even envision my mothers face in my head.
I'm also an award nominated music composer/producer with music synced to a bunch of well known TV shows. Yet I don't hear any music in my head. I have never sat down to write a song with a melody already in my head. I have always sat down and just play around until I came up with something I liked, and then I expand on it. Songs still get stuck in my head, mainly the lyrics because I don't actually hear anything in my head.
I was told by a chef years ago when I was working in a small boutique style restaurant that I'm a super taster. She would always make me taste new dishes and tell her what I thought. I don't know why she thought I was a super taster. The only things I know of personally is this. I love guacamole. But I have a very small window to eat it after it's made because within about 15 minutes I can start to taste the oxidation and it takes like crap in my mouth.
I can easily be very overwhelmed by smells. Strong scents can make me dizzy and nauseous.
There is also a sort of silver lining to this I think. I've been through some pretty traumatic experiences in my life over the years. I was the victim of an armed robbery and pistol whipped and it shattered my jaw. Then they didn't set it right and had to have it rebroken, not once, not twice but 3 times. I was diagnoses with a rare aggressive cancer, and then again 14 months later and it was stage 4. I went through 3 rounds of chemo and with only 2 treatment s left I ended up in the ER with blood clots almost the length of my arm blocking the blood flow to my legs. During the surgery to remove them parts broke off and went to my ankle without anyone knowing, My foot continues getting worse and eventually turned black. In the end I ended up in a wheelchair for over a year, and had to wear a medical boot for 3.5 years because I had an open wound on my foot that wouldn't heal because of no blood flow.
Now my wife told me that the cancer and all of the complications gave her PTSD. I don't feel traumatized by it one bit. I mean yes it was a trauma to go through it, but I can easily move past it. She relives those things in her head. I think about them only if there is a direct reminder. But I don't see those images in my head or remember smells or sounds or tastes. To me that was just something I went through and that's it. I don't ruminate over things or replay things in my mind. It's just not there.
I also don't dream exactly. At least not like I've ever heard dreams to be. I sometimes get scared or angry or other emotions or feelings but that's all I get are feelings.
Not sure if it's relevant or not but I'm also kind of an introvert.
Some other strange-ish things about me....
I'm really good with patterns (seeing them, creating them)
People often tell me I'm too literal or I take things too literally.
I've been told by many of my friends that they think I'm autistic.
This is just a thought I had but I'm willing to bet that if I'm on this end of the scale as far as having complete aphantasia then there are people at the opposite end of the scale. And I wonder if being at the complete opposite end of the scale is Schizophrenia. Where every thought in your head seems to be soo real that you can't distinguish reality from what's in your mind.