u/According_District25

Lemme guide you guys from the start. I have been ignored ever since my brother came into this world, cuz apparantly im the easy child to look after. I've been having suicidal thoughts ever since I was 8 years old, but stupid me thought I would die if I cut my fingers, lol. I was also raped by my uncle (my father’s sister’s husband), who lives in the next block. And when COVID started, my thoughts about running away also started. During the second phase of COVID, our family of 14 divided into two houses - a house filled with people who got the virus and the other house didn't. I tested negative, my father’s brother’s (pedhananna) whole family tested negative, that uncle and his 4/5 year old kid tested negative. But due to some reasons, my pedhananna’s whole family went to their village, and I was in that house, terrified like anything, didn't sleep or eat properly for 2 days. And all this shit led me to think more and more about running away from that house, cuz i knew even if I said this to my parents, they would partially blame me and would not even give that teeny tiny freedom they do. One fine day, I was watching my first CDrama, which was “My Girlfriend Is an Alien” on my laptop. My dad saw that and told it to my mom, and she hit me so freaking bad and cussed in a way that I hope no parent would ever do, and I was literally in 6th grade. On some random day during August, I told my parents that I had been raped and everything and yeah, whatever I thought would happen, happened, but even worse. Recently, my 10th board exams were done, and EVERY FRIEND OF MINE went somewhere or the other with their friends, and I was sitting in my bedroom watching all the stories on Instagram wishing I could go too. But the thing is, apparently, I can no longer step out of my house and go somewhere without my mother tagging along with me. I don't like going out with my friends with my mother cuz she won't let us enjoy and wants things to go on her terms, and no one would like that, and I don't wanna ruin my friends' mood. And if I had to go on, it would never end. I have no idea what to do now.