u/Acceptable_Walrus373

My mom has been my caregiver, and I know she gets burnt out. The first 8 years were a cycle of love, then harsh rejection. Things like "I wish you didn't exist" and "at least if my child had had Downs syndrome, they wouldn't have lived as old." This has given me trauma. I get threatened to be sent to a care home. This is a bad option here as we are not rich, so my mental and physical health would get worse in some facility they shove people in. Today, she has shifted from almost a year of her telling me, "You belong with me, I will never send you away," to admitting she wished I didn't live here. She just went to bed and has left me breaking down bawling, and it will make my PEM worse and fibro crash worse. What am I supposed to do? Is it selfish to want to live and want to not be sent away to a care home? Edit: this morning she said she thought I was going to kill myself and thought that would be better if I did.

I was wondering if you want those lotus drops from mulching if you should still not level mulching past 20? I thought I saw something on here about that, but I was not sure. Thank you!