u/Acceptable_Hat8143

I have bipolar I. I was diagnosed when I was 18. It devastated my life. I was an excellent student but passed my high school diploma with a low CGPA. I wanted to become a medical doctor. I went to Ukraine to pursue my dream but had a manic episode there. Went back to my home country, enrolled in architecture school, dropped out after 1 year, enrolled in business school, had a manic episode the first year, graduated with a 3-year bachelor after 4 years... Then I got accepted into two medical schools in Romania, got my visa rejected and had two manic episodes... I have been unemployed and staying home since two years now... I feel hopeless, empty and dull... I forgot much of what I studied at university and I feel like I will stay stuck forever in this situation. I recently enrolled in an online UX UI bootcamp out of lack of options, but I am feeling so demotivated and I have a mental fog... I find it so hard to focus and remember what I study... My cognitive skills have declined so much. I have for instance failed my driving test in 4 minutes after 40 hours of driving lessons. I have suicidal thoughts without the intention of executing them because my life feels so hard... and it feels good to think about all of this suffering ending. What do you think and what do you suggest? I feel so low...