I’ve been seeing a lot of strong (and honestly, sometimes extreme) opinions about Haq Mehr lately, especially on Pakistani Reddit and social media, so I wanted to hear what people genuinely think.
I had my nikah a few months ago, and I asked for 5 tolas of gold as Haq Mehr. At the time, I thought it was quite a lot, but now, seeing the discussions online, I actually feel like I made a reasonable and informed decision.
My perspective is this,
First, Haq Mehr is obligatory in Islam. It’s not optional. On the other hand, jahez (dowry) from the bride’s side is not an Islamic requirement at all yet in Pakistan, it’s often expected or even pressured. That imbalance is something I kept in mind when deciding my Haq Mehr.
Secondly, while I do believe Haq Mehr shouldn’t be set at an amount the groom genuinely cannot afford, I also think it’s unfair to judge women for what they ask. Every couple comes from a different socioeconomic background, and expectations naturally vary.
I personally know people across a wide range:
- Some women asked for a few thousand rupees
- Others asked for lakhs, property, or even plots
So clearly, there is no “one correct amount” it depends on the couple.
Another thing that influenced my thinking is how wedding expenses are handled culturally in Pakistan. In many cases, the bride’s family ends up covering multiple events (engagement, barat, etc.), even though Islamically, the financial responsibility lies with the groom. So for me, asking for a reasonable Haq Mehr felt like balancing that reality.
What I find confusing is this:
People are comfortable spending huge amounts on events like barat, mehndi, and walima things that last a day but when it comes to giving the bride something that is her right and hers to keep, suddenly it’s considered “too much.”
At the same time, I’ve also heard the opposite concern:
If a woman asks for a very low Haq Mehr, some people start viewing her as “less valuable” or think the marriage is easier to walk away from. That pressure also exists, and I think it plays a role in why some women ask for higher amounts.
One more point: Haq Mehr isn’t just symbolic it’s a right. And while it can be deferred, I personally feel it’s better if it’s given as early as possible so the marriage starts on clear and respectful terms.
At the end of the day, I feel like:
- If a man cannot afford the Haq Mehr being asked, he can choose not to proceed
- And if a woman asks for a certain amount, that reflects her own expectations and context
So why the judgment?
I’d genuinely like to hear different perspectives especially from both men and women in Pakistan. What do you think is a fair approach to Haq Mehr today?