u/Aby_lev89

This has definitely been discussed before, but as I was driving home from work today and, as always, thinking about Shane and ilya and the intense butterflies and love I feel towards their story, I wondered for the millionth time "why is their story so special that it's hooked so many of us and we can't let go of them?"

I, and I'm sure many of you who fell in love with this story, get this intense longing, ache in my stomach, heart flipping over in my chest, giddy smile, bewildered fascination with them, in such a way that I never ever remember feeling towards any other couple, queer or hetero, in any piece of media.

What is the magic in this story that makes us feel this way? Like we are in love as well?

Is it the decade long relationship until they realized they were in love? Is it the delicate way in which the characters are built, layer upon layer? The depth and intricacies of the story? Is it the acting, directing, music choices, narrative building? Is it all of the above?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

There's that moment when Ilya comes to visit Shane in the hospital, when we see he is distraught, upset, scared for Shane, but also battling with himself whether he and Shane should be over. This moment is expressed in the book but is not so clear in the show. Those of us who read the book can maybe see a small hint of it in ilya's "maybe, maybe", meaning "probably not, we can't do this anymore". It's a small, heartbreaking moment.

I'm now reading the fan fic "Bad Thing" which is ilya's pov of HR, and I just love how they describe this moment, what ilya's thinking, how after the death of his father he feels guilty and terrified for Shane, that he doesn't deserve to get what he wants, and so he has to end it with Shane. It makes me so sad for him and also so glad Shane didn't give up on him and we know there's the cottage to look forward to. >!(it's also a small haunting forshowding of his depression in TLG, and how difficult it is to love Shane in Secret)!<

Credit to Synchronic

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5600271

"Ilya holds the phone in his lap and stares, unseeing, at the television. This is punishment. Punishment for thinking for a moment that he could be happy, punishment for wanting something that he knows he can never have. He thinks that this is the sign that whatever is between him and Shane Hollander must end. They have had their moment, but this is as far as it can go. They cannot be together. Not really. No matter what he wants, this is it. He cannot live in secret like this, alone in hotel rooms, hoping that Shane is okay, not being able to talk to anyone about the agony of love, not even Sveta. He cannot be free of his father, finally, and survive in a prison like this. No. He and Hollander have to be over. He will end it. Once and for all. Not with a fight, but with an explanation. Shane will understand. In some ways, Ilya thinks, Shane knew it before he did, those months ago when he left Ilya's house. All they are doing now is postponing the end. But it is time. He will tell Hollander when he sees him tomorrow."

Rewatched a couple episodes tonight, and almost all of the cottage one. I especially love when shane says "I would like to relax with you, for once". It's such a small sentence but holds so much emotion and love. This is the first time in almost 10 years! that they could really breathe together, be together in the quiet moments, enjoy each other's presence without the rush and excitement and stress of sex and running off.

I love this sentence so much! Gives me butterflies ❤️

What are some quiet lines that hold so much emotion for you? (apart from the obvious ily scene)

It's often discussed how your first time having penetrative sex (at least as a woman) is not always comfortable or even enjoyable. It might take some time or trial and error to actually enjoy it.

So I was wondering, and maybe the gay men in this group can enlighten me, how realistic would it be (and yes I know this is a romance show/book) for Shane to archive orgasm through anal sex alone (hands free) for the first time?

Genuinely curious and would love to understand better, hope it's ok to ask here ☺️