For context:
My friend circle went to zero after 2015
In 2015, my school just increased the fees by very much amount
dad hadn't a job, so i got admission in govt school in 6th class (that shit was worse thing of my life)
to sum up everything my skin is decently fair and i just straight up faced sexual harassment
told my parents for transfer in different school(did not told the reason), dad just 1 year else a year will be wasted
Transfer to different school after a year
before shit start going same again, i had 2 fights in the very first month and none after that hadn't much of friend as i started school bunk and exploring delhi. All this till 10th
covid occured, Pubg, Codm and 12th passed
School : No friends
Regular college admission in 2022 started interacting with everyone,
Friends went limited to college, didn't talked much on text and i do not uses social media at all
funny thing is watched "The Social Dilemma" and started using reddit
Sis married in 2024, used to play chess and badminton with sis.
College over Started job in 2025, things went similar to college.
College : Friends limited to college also didn't found interest in dating.
After college it felt like no one was ever friend and only were in contact with me because i was fine in studies (9.1 CGPA), As i didn't cared if someone gets more marks than me and helps out most of them.
Was not kind of afraid in trying out on someone for dating but it just didn't clicked in me, i don't know how to explain.
Got unemployed in January 2026
Unemployment didn't felt serious as things were stable at home and no hurry of my marriage as well, Saved enough and have health insurance of parents such that 2-3 years can pass easily.
Feeling lonely:
But the days become very hard and long to spend, i would say these 3 months felt like the longest to me,
Have no one to talk to like gossip or something. Don't knows anyone nearby to spend time and roam around.
Sports are not my habit tried to play cricket with some people in park and after a week i stopped because i understand those guys may have been childhood friend and can't let any stranger to be in their circle but that was reflecting on their behavior, i already was not gonna talk to them after some hours why being harsh towards me.
Mobile Games are not feeling interesting,
Keeps my eating habits check but not a gym lover as well.
I can't use mobile a lot, my weekly average is around 2-2.5 hours.
Whenever i uses phone most of my youtube feed is just hate in people towards other, propaganda, bias news.
Sometimes i feels like politician are just representation of society, if society is filled with corruption and hatred, politician will be same and they will keep the hatred alive in you, like an endless cycle.
Used to enjoy watching cricket but IPL has been blend, like sixes were special and now they just like another single or double. Checking scores is just the only excitement about IPL now for me.
Enjoyed movies at start but after a month also lost interest
I tries to myself to do something but what, if get the answer of what then why, i don't have achievements to accomplish, like i don't want to be like something which relatives or known should admire.
All i have done in last two months is eat, sleep, 5000 steps walk, some reddit and youtube and lay down on bed and feel lonely.
Some had hunger for infinite money type shit but why.
Like i had made my mind to not marry if i don't have certain worth, but it is not like i am gonna force myself to earn those just to marry.
What new i can do ?
Tried in some companies, got job in Gurgaon, will be joining in two weeks, probably shift in Gurgaon as well after a month or two.
What can i do something new to this miserable life, to feel motivated.