Unedited, just retyped as my writing is literally in the margins of a sudoku book lol. Feedback welcomed on words, better formatting, anything really. I’m not a poetry nerd, I read it very rarely and only really write it every once in a while bc I’m a perfectionist and hate being bad at things. Watching ‘Ginny and Georgia’ got me back into writing. Also please don’t tell me it’s bad. I already know lol, but hearing that will probably make me quit again. Constructuve criticism only please! Here goes:
I’m feeling a huge pit in my stomach. Like butterflies trying to brutally escape my body. I don’t know why.
Maybe, despite reassurance, I’m waiting for the shoe to drop. Maybe I’m feeling more and more useless. Maybe anxiety is finally taking over.
She used to say nothing was wrong when everything was. She started wanting alone time with our friends just to talk shit and eventually be told I’m toxic. Then she left me for that very person who spun that lie. She never told old me short comings, only everyone else.
I want this feeling to go away. I want to be okay. I want to trust and have faith
I want desperately to to feel joy without strings, trust without force, love without fear
This feeling inside only keeps the cycle strong. I hate myself which deletes all trust that someone can do what I cannot. Without that trust I doubt and project my eventual reject. Then comes the self loathing for my constant declothing of my thoughts on her normal action. Accusing her of attraction when in reality she sought a friend and I constantly get in the way with the demons in my head.