This and many other Reddit communities are helping me navigate the worst season of my life so far and I really want to give back by sharing my experience for anyone it might be useful for (also writing about it has been therapeutic for me).
I fell pregnant early-March 2026 and had a private viability scan at 6w+6 for peace of mind. Heart beat was strong, which is bitter sweet as that’s the first and last time we saw it. My fibroids had grown (but still under 5cm). We immediately told our parents and siblings and everyone was excited.
Fast forward to end of April (9w+5), I had severe abdominal pain. At first I thought it might be standard cramps, but I was struggling to move, let alone sit up. My midwife hardly replied my texts or calls so went to A&E. The consultant did a physical exam and said my bloods were fine, high hCG - could be round ligaments or fibroids degenerating, both pretty “standard”. I still felt off, so scheduled a scan with Early Pregnancy for the following week. I spotted 3 days in that week in between, but nothing transferred to my pad, so tried not to worry. I didn’t have strong pregnancy symptoms during the 1st trimester (just fatigue, heart palps, food aversions, lower back pain) but something just felt off eg TMI but my hard/sensitive nipples weren’t anymore, food aversions were now bearable.
Scan day came (10w+5 atp) and the sonographer said words I don’t think I’ll ever unhear “I’m really sorry, I can’t find the heart beat”. In a panic, I asked her to do a transvaginal just in case, and still got the same result. I honestly felt numb, I didn’t even cry because I just couldn’t believe it. Baby measured 9w+5 (the same date I was in A&E when everything was supposedly “fine”) so I’d had a missed miscarriage.
I’ve opted for private SMM as the NHS process seems long and mentally can’t wait for it to happen naturally; walking around with a baby and knowing there’s no life is absolute torture. I have my procedure in 4 days (plus genetic testing after) and will provide another update once I have it done.
I’ve never experienced pain like this before. Despite my initial shock when I found out I was pregnant, the loss surprised me with how much I loved this little one already. It genuinely feels like there’s a pre and post MMC version of me now and I’ll never be the same again. There are times I felt like I shouldn’t be this sad because “it was only 10 weeks” but a family friend told me “you saw a heart beat, and that counts for something” and that was so validating. It reminded me that it wasn’t just “fetal matter” to me, this was a baby I was excited for and already loved so deeply. And it honestly gives me some comfort that all the baby ever knew was love.
If you have any positive stories on life after MMC, I’d love to hear them as I’m looking for the rainbow after this storm xx