Be me, retired MSgt.
Told for years that becoming a Project Manager is the cool thing to do for retired military. That’s why I got my edumacation. Hired at big company. Six figure salary. We pimpin’.
Wake up at 0520. Remind my brain, once again, that I’m retired. Go back to sleep.
Alarm goes off at 0730.
Roll out of bed. Brush teeth. Admire beard. Consider showering. Put on casual clothes because nobody at my company uses their webcam. Go downstairs. Make sure kid is doing schoolwork. Eat breakfast. Crack white Monster.
Log into company laptop at 0755. Time to start the day. Currently managing six projects.
Immediate problem waiting in email on Project #1. Despite having openings on their calendar, an IT team can’t make a meeting I need them at.
Talk to boss. Ask if I can order them into a conference room and not let them out until they give me what I need.
Reminded that in the corporate world, that might be considered “toxic”.
Remind boss that toxicity made the Ninja Turtles.
Boss is cool. She concedes the point, but tells me to just reschedule the meeting.
#herosinahalfshell
Go back to email.
Project #2 is stalled because a VP hasn’t made a decision that I need him to make.
Message him to ask what’s happening.
VP informs me that we need input from the steering committee.
He’s literally in charge of the entire program.
Briefly wonder why he makes $200K a year if he can’t make his own decisions.
#whatthefuckisasteeringcommittee
Go back to email.
Project #3 is also stalled. I had to change the schedule because I didn’t account for other people’s mediocrity. Schedule change is stuck at the Change Control Board.
Ask CCB chairwoman why it hasn’t moved.
Find out that the Chief Something-Or-Another Officer doesn’t like that we had to push back the go-live date.
Remind CCB chairwoman that it’s been at CCB so long that it might as well have been approved by now.
Assured it will make the agenda for the next meeting.
When is that?
Unknown. Generally scheduled about 12 hours before they happen. Usually on Wednesdays.
#justkeepdoingwhatyou’redoing
Receive Teams message about Project #4. Reminded by my IT Delivery Lead that they still need input from Team X.
I message leader of Team X to ask where their input is.
Told that it’s on the agenda for discussion at the next steering committee meeting.
He uses a bunch of nerdy words and acronyms, despite me telling him that I can barely spell IT.
Briefly wonder if he’s making them up.
Fantasize about the days where people did as I told them.
#seriouslywhatthefuckisasteeringcommittee
Email pings. It’s from the Sponsor of Project #5. They’ve CC’d what looks like half the company.
Two paragraphs of corporate-speak asking what the holdup is, reminding everyone that the project is Very Very Important.
Resist urge to reply-all that if the teams weren’t siloed like Minuteman missiles, we probably would’ve finished by now.
One of the team members messages me later to say that they’re sorry I was chastised.
Didn’t think I was until he said that. Email felt more like a friendly reminder to me.
#yourworkoutismywarmup
Attend large meeting with Senior VP, where I spend a few minutes briefing him on Project #6’s progress.
Answer questions to his satisfaction.
Another team member messages me that they’re impressed with how I handled myself during the briefing.
I am confused. All I did was speak clearly and arrive ready for his questions.
Am told that his questioning is considered by others to be “intense”.
Senior VP didn’t even raise his voice.
#dudedoesn’tevenhavestarsonhisshoulders
Spend the next several hours going over project schedules, deliverables, and milestones. Write progress reports. Send emails. Have a couple of meetings. Make Teams AI take my notes for me. Dodge meetings I have no business being at.
Finally lean back and look fondly at the bottle of Whistlepig sitting on my shelf. About time to call it quits and have a glass.
MFW I look at the clock and it’s only 12:30.
I have literally nothing else to do. Briefly wonder if I’m a bad employee.
Computer beeps. It’s my rescheduled one-on-one with my Director. Totally forgot.
Boss’s boss spends twenty minutes telling me that I’m doing an absolutely amazing job.
So amazing that he wants me to help train the new PM they hired. He starts in three weeks.
Remind him that I’ve only been with the company for eight months.
Director spends another 10 minutes reaffirming to me that I’m doing awesome. And the new guy is another Air Force retiree. He decided to hire him specifically because of how well I’m doing.
#fuckyeabreakingglassceilings
Also told I’m getting two more projects.
Cool. What are they?
Unsure. He’ll have more details once he hears back from the steering committee.