u/97percentweird

Me (23F) and my boyfriend were in a LDR for 10 months. During this time we may have met around 5-7 times for ~1 day or a few hours at airports. We had a plan where he would come to my city for entrance exam coaching for 2 months (the main reason he was coming was me) and I had been helping him look for flats and we were both really excited.

We love each other, were doing great together and were majorly happy but we had some core lifestyle compatibility issues which bothered me a lot since the beginning of the relationship. When i brought the issues up, he convinced me that they weren’t huge and that we will manage down the line (we have almost broken up a few times because of these). Around a week ago, a conversation triggered me and it led to a serious conversation after which I broke up with him. He wasn’t in agreement with my decision at all and still hasn’t accepted it. I asked him not to come to my city and change his plans if possible.

I get that the timing is horrible from my side when he is primarily coming for me for 2 whole months and I feel really guilty about it. He will have coaching and studies and will go home on the weekends, but still he doesn’t have any friends in the city and will majorly be alone. I don’t know what I should do in this case. I’m dying to be with him but I cannot continue to date him because as time goes, I’m getting more and more attached and breaking up right now was hard enough as it is. How do I leave him alone for the 2 months? What do I do?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) have been dating for almost 1 year.

My boyfriend’s dad is abusive towards his mom (not often but the latest incident happened recently, he beat her so badly she had to go to the hospital) and has an affair most of his immediate family know about.

My bf still “doesn’t hate his dad”, and “doesn’t want to be like him personally but still wants to be like him professionally” (his dad is a great and very successful businessman). His reasons for not trying to move him and his mom away from his dad are around being financially dependant on him and that it is his father and he has a responsibility towards him. Till this point, I still understand.

The disturbing part: they have agreed in his family that his dad will not hit his mom again, he will not bring his affair into the home. They all act normally now. I find this deeply disturbing but they have this arrangement that apparently even his mom is okay with.

When I tried to bring this up with my bf, I told him that I don’t want to live inside a home like this, where horrible things like these are so normalised. He said that I will never be treated badly and these things will never affect me. He says that he’s been trying to change his dad slowly. He says that I don’t know the situation fully and shouldn’t judge, I don’t know his dad I only know the things he’s told me. I told him I don’t need to know more to know that I never want to share a space with a person like that.

My bf has made it clear that he will not choose me over his parents, and that he will never live separate from them. According to him, I’m not understanding the full situation. Despite all the explanations, I feel like my conclusion is valid. What do I do?