My personality and intelligence have worsened
22M
I did not use AI to write this. I bolded headings and sentences and used bullet points to make it more organized.
All of a sudden, I’m experiencing the following:
Intellectual/Cognitive Changes
* Poorer ability to think and comprehend things, especially when learning. This makes it harder for me to feel like I’m participating in a discussion just by reading it. For example, I saw a YouTube short about young people in Japan being called out for using some sort of mental illness tag, sort of like a disability tag. The comments were talking about it, but I wasn’t intellectually there.
I already was not very intelligent (and I mean it, I have dogshit thinking, I mean my brainpower).
* Less creativity. It’s harder to come up with new ideas, and this could be because my thinking ability is dogshit, like having less brainpower.
* Quotes or hard-hitting comments or posts don’t touch me. They don’t register with me.
* Misreading things (I don’t think I have dyslexia). For example, switching words around or, for example, this paragraph from an article I read:
> Alternative theories for why monogamy evolved propose that males who provide food and safety for females boost their odds of being selected as mates
I misread that as females boosting their odds of being mates, instead of males.
Personality Changes
* Suddenly blaming others. I used to not do this, but for some reason, this has started to develop. Blaming others when they give me critique on a behavior or action of mine.
* Close-mindedness and feeling offense when seeing information that I don’t agree with. I already was fairly close-minded. For example, I just read a good amount of an article about why humans aren’t built for strict monogamy (the paragraph from before was from this article).
I felt annoyed instead of curious, but I read a good amount anyways. I feel like I should be someone who only feels curious about conflicting information, and I believe that this is common among intelligent people (I don’t think I am intelligent).
* More judgemental. I already struggled with being judgmental of others for any reason: alternative fashion/appearance, having a promiscuous lifestyle, sex work (less so now, I think), profile picture.
If I perceive them as more intelligent than me and they are a pretty woman and maybe are alternative or promiscuous or whatever, then I feel annoyed. This is probably because I believe I’m dumb (and it seems very true with all the intellectual problems I have, and how I lack traits of intelligent people).
* More irritable with my own father. I try not to disrespect him, and I think I’m sorta successful at that.
* Probably mentally weaker, too. I was never really a serious or strong person, but I think I’ve become weaker.
I currently have these bad habits:
* Porn addiction
* Poor diet and not eating very much
* Not going outside much. I guess I don’t feel very compelled to.
* Having little discipline.
I don’t really hang out with anyone, except for my sister but that’s not often. I don’t feel *that* compelled to make new friends, but I’ve been meaning to go to this goth/alternative bar to find someone (it’s just kinda scary to go to a bar for me).
I already have little ambition and desire to truly better myself and grow compared to others. Little intellectual curiosity, too. Yesterday I wondered if I should just accept that I am probably not a bright person, and that I have to think harder and longer than others. I felt unusually suicidal, too.
Any help is appreciated. This was a long post, but I guess it’s thorough.