autistic/26/F
currently taking my 3rd EVER wheel throwing class after a year break. its an advanced level course at my community college that includes 2 other sections (beginning and intermediate) all taught by 1 professor in one class. i’ve been in this professors class for 2 semesters now (inter. & adv.) and i can’t help but feel a bias towards me by this professor. today he critiqued me and gave me some constructive criticism but also made some comments that made feel kinda weird. basically the constructive criticism was about the inconsistency in thickness of my piece (valid, bottom was thicker) i explained how i was struggling for weeks trying to throw this moon jar.
*keep in mind, this professor doesn’t give demos to his adv class which consists of 2ppl, but gives his other 2 sections demos every class…despite never giving me a demo when it was JUST me in his int. class last year…. and whenever i approach him for help/support he always tells me to ask someone else when i have a question, refers me to youtube/online videos, or point blank says something like “you should know this” and makes me feel dumb and regretful*
SO, i explained how this was the only vessel that survived and it was the best i could do in the time i had. disclaimer: not saying i should be excused by any means just giving him an explanation he asked for. when talking about the thickness, i explained how stretching the walls and compressing it over n over caused the bottom to get thicker and that i could’ve trimmed more but didn’t because i was too stressed about the deadline approaching and xyz. he proceeded by asking me “well, what should i grade you on then? since you didn’t follow the rubric, explain to me what i should grade” and i was so confused bc his tone seemed condescending and i started to feel super anxious.
*i had to remind him he told me i didn’t have to follow the dimensions on the rubric, which also didn’t include directions btw, and he looked at me like he didn’t remember*
after he asked me that i didn’t really know what to say. i just felt ambushed if im being honest, i don’t take most things personally but this interaction made me feel uneasy. he then proceeded to say that he didn’t think i made any progress despite never approaching me throughout the entire semester/ lack of observation? not saying he had to, just a weird comment to make about something he clearly hasn’t been around to comment on? then he called the TA in class to come look at my piece and asked her what grade she’d give me… i felt like i was being made out to be some bad example at that point. he then proceeded to ask about the glaze. i explained the glazes i used and briefly mentioned i enjoyed experimenting with dipping the rim in runny glaze and seeing how the color underneath reacted to it in comparison to another color with the same technique. he then asked to see my notes on it, and i told him exactly what i did but he said that because i didn’t take notes and didn’t make a cookie, trim a foot, or a glaze catching tray that it didn’t count as experimenting with glaze.
*hes never mentioned this prior, he’s never taught/ explained how to test glaze, or told me to write notes in order for something to be considered an “experiment”.*
and then he said rim dipping is something a beginner does. which is probably true in most cases but that felt like a jab more than constructive i don’t understand the intent with a lot of his comments most of the time. but i’m autistic so i take things literally and learn at a different pace. so maybe that “beginner”comment just made me feel a bit insecure about my progress but it’s okay im used to being called slow in different fonts. then he goes on about how i lack craftsmanship in the piece and that i didn’t meet his expectations. and i walked away feeling awful. im glad he was able to tell me what i could do better, i just wish he’d explain HOW and actually supported me during* the process and didn’t just tell me what i did wrong after the fact. it feels like he expects to not teach me but i learn completely on my own meanwhile he helps everyone around me. i dont think its fair, he doesn’t try to distribute himself amongst all the sections, has these unspoken expectations and fails to teach me anything. everything ive learned has been through asking around during open studio, videos, and practice. i’ve never taken any wheel throwing courses outside of the 3 i’ve taken so i dont know a whole lot about ceramics but i do my best to learn. i’m glad i wont have him as a professor anymore but it’s just a sour taste in my mouth. i’m taking other upper division art courses that also have shared sections and they don’t treat me like that so idk rant over i guess? pls lmk if there’s a way to learn more, tips on throwing big as someone with altered motor skills, and handling non constructive criticism, etc! plsplspls <3