I finally listened and I’m proud of myself.
I’ve been stuck in a cycle of chronic relapsing every few days or week or two for the past 4 months but couldn’t get my shit together. I was previously 17 months clean and got a case of the fuckits that turned into 7 months of absolute hell. I started in an IOP yesterday so that I can be held accountable to get through this early part that I keep tripping up on. I left there tonight and immediately started having bad thoughts creep into my head so I called a friend in recovery and came over to spend the night at her place so I’m not home alone with my thoughts. This feels like the biggest best thing I’ve done for my recovery since last fall before my initial relapse. So I just wanted to share with people who would understand. <3
I’m only 1 day clean right now but I could’ve easily not made it to the 24 hour mark and I actually chose to do the right thing for once. This shit sucks. I’m ready to get back to the “good part” like when I felt okay when I had over a year before.