u/4amthrow_away

I want a relationship I guess, a girlfriend seems nice but the idea of having anyone in my space also makes me uncomfortable, the concept of a person who has free will who I have to fully trust just living with me who knows everything about me is terrifying, which is why I don’t have a roommate (unless u count my cat) and obviously that’s jumping the gun a bit but if I were to get a girlfriend that’s where it would eventually head. Honestly just dating someone and kissing them when I don’t know what they’ve ate freaks me out, I have a lot of food phobias (im working on them) and it just freaks me out. Intercourse also freaks me out, bodily fluids are gross, most bodies are gross (especially my own) and it just seems like a very vulnerable position to be in, fully exposed, ew. I’d probably keep my shirt on and I wouldn’t really want to be touched but I do want to experience it, I want to fully trust someone, I think it’s a beautiful thing, I’d like to get married and have a kid, it’s just terrifying and idk how to talk to women either (at least in a romantic/sexual way) it’s just kind of a lot and it all freaks me out man.

I hate all pronouns, I hate being asked what my preferred pronouns are because I don’t have any they all suck!!! I have no issue with others preferred pronouns and idc what people refer to me as but I just don’t connect to any of them.

When I started my current job the girl training me asked what my preferred pronouns were (probably because on the application for the job I selected “other” as my gender because I was feeling very dysphoric that day) I just panicked and said “she/her” because I know how I look, I’m aware of how I’m perceived and that’s honestly fine, anything else would feel performative (for myself) but like every time they referred to me as such for the rest of the day I just inwardly cringed because it was like I’d sealed my fate or some shit idk.

When I used to play the sims they’d at one point added custom pronouns and I just changed all mine to my name (apart from “themself” because (name)self sounds stupid) so instead of a pop up saying “summer holiday wants to hang out with your sim, how will they/he/she respond?” It would say “summer holiday wants to hang out with your sim, how will (name) respond?” And I honestly wish this were just how everyone else talked because I’ve always used people’s names more commonly in place of pronouns for as long as I could remember, I’ve had people say it’s weird (mostly people who don’t like their name which makes sense) but I kinda just prefer it and I wonder how other nbs feel about it too

TLDR: names>pronouns