You Grew on Me
I think what hurts the most is that you were never supposed to matter this much to me.
And somehow, over time, you slowly made your way into my head without me realizing it.
You grew on me.
I started noticing small things about you, but more than anything, what stayed with me was how easy it was from the beginning. Being around you felt natural in a way I didn’t expect. Like I could just be myself without overthinking it or guarding myself. And I didn’t realize how much I was attaching to that until it started to change.
And that ease became the thing I held onto without really understanding it at the time.
Looking back, what I experienced felt real in the moment, but it never became something stable or grounded in my life. It stayed in those interactions and feelings as they were happening, without turning into something that actually existed beyond them.
And maybe I was right, in a way, that it was a concept, something that existed in feeling, but not in anything real enough to hold onto.
And that’s what hurts.
Because I still carry it.
Not even just the ending. I understand why it ended the way it did.
It’s everything after. The silence. The lack of acknowledgment. The way it was just left there, like it didn’t need to be spoken about at all.
And I think part of me is still stuck in the version of it where it felt like it meant more than what it became.
And letting go of that is harder than understanding it.