Struggling With Boundaries.
I am just 8–9 months into working as a therapist, and I’m trying my best to learn, improve, and become better at what I do. Recently, I experienced something that left me feeling confused and emotionally unsettled, and I think I need guidance on how to handle situations like this in the future.
Someone on my country’s subreddit had posted about feeling low and not having anyone to talk to and going through a very hard time. I thought maybe I could help. We started chatting a little first to build some rapport, and later he asked if we could get on a call. I agreed, explaining that if he wanted to take a session, I would first like to explain how therapy works, and how I would want us to communicate so we could work through things together.
But during the conversation, he suddenly said he didn’t need a therapist. Instead, he asked if I could pretend to be his girlfriend virtually. He kept saying I was at “the perfect age” and that it would benefit me too because he had “a lot to offer” and just needed someone to take care of him emotionally online.
I immediately refused and clearly told him that this is not what I do and never will do.
But afterward, I felt shaken. I kept overthinking the whole interaction. Why was I still trying to empathize with him while he was crossing boundaries? Why, even in the middle of feeling uncomfortable, was a part of me thinking, “Maybe he’s just going through a hard time”?
The thing is, all my other sessions and interactions have gone well. I’ve never experienced this kind of emotional confusion before.
I think what this situation taught me is that empathy without boundaries can become emotionally unsafe very quickly. Wanting to understand someone’s pain does not mean I have to tolerate disrespect, or inappropriate behavior. Someone struggling emotionally can still cross lines, and it is not my responsibility to absorb that behavior just because I understand where it may be coming from.
I would really appreciate advice on how therapists learn to maintain healthy emotional boundaries, especially early in their careers. How do you stay empathetic without ignoring your own discomfort when someone crosses a line?