I am really struggling with this injury, and struggling with people just not understanding what it's like to go through something like this. I know there are way worse things one can have injury-wise (or life-wise), and I am grateful that there is a future ahead where I can walk, run, jump, etc. But it feels like every day is 1 step forward, 2...3...4 steps back? With the weather warming up, I just feel like there are constant reminders of around me of what I cannot and will not be able to do for months and months.
Plus, I don't know if other people feel this, but the almost constant fear of re-tearing, or feeling like even when I'm fully recovered, I won't ever feel safe or like my pre-injury self enough to actually return to activities I love. For example, I've been rock climbing for about 10 years, and the thought of jumping down to the mat from a boulder makes me nauseous now. I feel ready to give it all up, and it's heartbreaking. Even now, when I'm in the "safe" zone of being in a boot, when my foot swells or when it's randomly super painful, I feel terrified. I can't picture a future version of myself who isn't terrified of something going wrong.
I'm walking in my boot now, and my colleagues are like, "wow! See, you're all set to enjoy summer since you're walking!" and of course, I am grateful for that...but all I can see is what I cannot do. I missed the bus yesterday because I was walking too slow, and I realized I won't be able to jog to the bus for 6 months, lol. I just keep switching back and forth to being positive and proud of how far I am in recovery, and just randomly sobbing over the situation and feeling sorry for myself. Then I feel shitty for being sad over an injury while other people are going through other terrible, traumatic things!
Okay, vent over. Much love to everyone else out there suffering today. <3