19M, I have had 5 true friends in my entire life, 1 of them I lost connection to (naturally) due to a change of town, 3 still are very close to me... The problem is the other 1, this one was also a very close to me but I guess I made a mistake that even I am unaware of that prompted him to break the friendship to the point of cutting me off, I mean right now the situation is better because we have started talking again but then I cant seem to put a finger on what I did wrong or even the field in which I have committed a mistake in....am I that dense or do I severely lack the metacognitive ability to understand what I did wrong because usually in any such issues either it just pops in my mind (the mistake) for which I apologize in person, I can generally tell the shifts in the mood of people in which case I avoid joking around about them but I can not seem to put a finger, the problem is that there was a very heavy mood swing in play here(I suspect) from my friend, wherein I think he stopped talking to everyone for 2 days, but the issue is not this, the issue started after these 2 days he started talking to others right in front of me but ignored me, for which I tried to recollect all the conversations that we had before the incident and nothing jumped out to me, except that, during the not talking phase (or the not disturbing phase), I asked him exactly this, "Have I done something wrong, if yes tell me what it was coz I have very few friends in my life and I do not plan to lose anyone." and his reply was (I will paraphrase) There are other people apart from you in my life....., after this I still suspected that the reason was me because there were, as I said earlier, 3 instances where he talked to the people right beside me (my other friends) but still not even had an eye contact with me...(First Issue complete)
Body Language Cues (could be biased observation): His eyes looked at me while telling me the phrase then he averted his gaze, after that all this we have not yet met gazes of each other since, when he talks i dont look and when i talk he doesnt look, we both answer without looking at each other (peripheral), only talk about academics not anything else, while speaking the phrase his blinking rate was absolutely zero (he did not blink once during the whole phrase), he was leaning on the wall, he then walked away, while walking away he got the phone out and then started looking at his phone while moving towards his room…
Second issue, I do not think I am very emotional of a person, and I am actually not, emotions do not affect me a lot but this particular case is very weird, outwardly we both are not talking to each other and I have started ignoring him as well, now I have adjusted to his absence after 1 week of not talking (even though now we have started talking), and its as if there has been a mindset shift, to kind of not trust the people around me and moreover critically judge my senses and reverify my inferences, I thought I used to understand people but this particular case has showed me and made me believe the opposite, that there are some things out of my bounds.....The question is why do I fail to express myself, why do I fail at showing my emotions correctly to others, from my childhood to right now, I have multiple such incidents where even in a death of a closed one I could not reflect the emotions, I had like a null change in me, it was not as if the person was not close but I seriously did not feel anything and that has made me question the way I work….I try to be objective is that why this has started causing a problem and hindering with my emotional management?
I need help with these 2 issues, if you can it will be a big help in understanding myself and my world view and understanding others and their perspective as well