Trying to recover myself from P*rn
Hey everyone. This is my first post here.
I’ve been consuming porn and erotic content for almost a decade now, and only recently have I started understanding my pattern more deeply instead of just repeatedly trying to “quit.”
One thing I’ve realized is that my issue is not just porn itself. It’s the entire exploration loop around it.
Over the years, I’ve consumed almost every medium possible — videos, pictures, stories, audio, comics, hot clips from social media, movie scenes, memes, etc. I even had dedicated accounts and separate user profiles on my devices purely for this side of my life.
And honestly, I think the biggest addiction became the browsing and exploration itself.
Not even necessarily the release.
The searching.
The switching tabs.
The “there might be something better” feeling.
The revisiting of content I already knew.
The endless loop of exploration.
The thing is, this isn’t my first attempt at changing this.
At multiple different phases of my life, I’ve tried quitting or reducing it. Every single time, I become very motivated initially, start controlling things for a few days or weeks, feel like I’ve finally figured it out, and then slowly drift back into the exact same patterns again.
And whenever I come back, it’s almost like the old identity is still sitting there waiting for me.
Recently I tried quitting completely again. I deleted all my accounts, profiles, saved data, everything. For a week or so, I surprisingly felt neutral toward porn and didn’t even care much about it. But eventually I slowly drifted back into old patterns again.
Right now, I’m trying not to force some extreme “never again” mindset because I noticed that suppression and over-obsession make it worse for me. Instead, I’m trying to understand my behavior and gradually reduce the chaos of it.
Some progress I’ve noticed:
- I reduced the number of mediums I consume simultaneously.
- I’m trying to limit tab switching and endless browsing.
- I’m becoming more aware of the novelty/chasing loop instead of mindlessly indulging.
But I still struggle a lot with the feeling that I’m “missing out” if I stop early. Even after a session, part of my brain keeps wanting to go back and explore more content I already know.
What makes this difficult is that I’m otherwise a pretty disciplined and minimal person in life. I don’t really indulge much in social media, partying, drugs, etc., so porn/erotic exploration became one of my main sources of stimulation and “fun” over the years.
I think that’s why letting go feels psychologically harder than I expected.
I joined this community because I feel like trying to handle this entirely alone in my head isn’t working anymore. So I wanted to finally be honest about it somewhere.
Would genuinely appreciate hearing from people who relate more to the exploration/novelty side of this rather than just the sexual side.