u/2_Tired_o_o

Overall I’ve managed to keep most of symptom and seizures private. I find it embarrassing personally, my auras give me a slow onset most of the time so I can step away and find a private space before I collapse or have any convulsive symptoms or hopefully it’s just an aura and it passes. I used to have select inactive spaces at my job before I had proper treatment because my seizures were so frequently. At one point I chose to just tell someone I was high during an aura rather than admit it. My own dad thought I was on heroin. Now days I’m a little more open, I still hide it as much as I can but it the parts of my life it affects, I keep people informed. I make it convenient for everyone else and now I feel like most of them don’t understand how much of an inconvenience it is to me. I force myself to function, after a seizure I’m not even thinking about my health, I’m thinking about the time, what I still have to do and how I’m going to do it, then I usually lose that thought three times due to the postictal state then drag myself through the rest of the day feeling like I’m dreaming while people are asking me if I’m good and I have all the same shitty rhetorical responses as usual. Telling the average person about seizures feels fruitless, because seizures are a weird ass phenomenon that most people don’t get without a 10 page lecture and that’s a lot of energy to waste on when most people don’t gaf either way.

I’ve been having seizures multiple times a day for the past 5 days. It started slow with light focal aware seizures. I’ve started to have partial convulsive episode with it pretty irregular for me. I’ve mostly had partial seizures in the past so this is still unfamiliar territory for me. I’m kinda of tired of the mental side effects of the meds I already take so does anyone have any suggestions for meds that don’t diminish cognitive capacity too much?