I thought this part of my life was healed. It’s been 15 years. Then you showed up and it feels like everything cracked open again. It hurts more than I expected it to. I see that you married her and now have two beautiful children. I realized your wife was a long distance relationship. The same situation you said you didn’t want with me. I don’t think you’ll ever fully understand how much that hurts. A part of me will probably always love you. You were my first love, and that doesn’t just disappear. I wished it had been me, that you had chosen me, that things had gone differently. I think we were always just wrong timing, no matter how many times we tried. For a long time, I held onto the idea that maybe if things were different, we would have found our way back. That we just needed to grow up. I’m getting married. I have a child. I’ve built a life that is real, grounded, and mine. Im clinging on to it. So this is me being honest, and also trying to letting go. I don’t know how else to get rid of this pain I’m trying everything I can. I hope you’re happy. Truly. And from a distance, I’ll always cheer you on. In another life, maybe things were different. I would rather keep you as a friend than go another 15 years not seeing you.
I’m sorry this letter is chaotic 😔