u/1MLsugar

tl;dr: earning 1cr isn’t enough to get middle class marwari girl, lack of standards and family lifestyle got my roka cancelled.

I was dating someone for about 5 years, we weren't the best couple and used to fight over some topics but still things were smooth overall. There were differences in our lifestyles and financials, largely because she comes from a upper middle class marwari family, and I come from lower middle class marathi family. (and trust me - only a lower middle class guy can tell difference between middle class and upper middle class)

For some background on financials - I went to one of the top institutes for undergrad, and currently earn 1Cr+ (mostly base, RSUs extra), I own a land(loan paid off) of 1Cr and ~1Cr in savings(MF + stocks + gold). But my family is not so well off so we don’t yet own home and lot of amenities, we still prefer normal lifestyle and spend too little on luxury. My family was okay with all terms like she won't do any household work, etc.

About her - She recently graduated from a top MBA college but her package is going to be equal to her education loan, comes from a small town. Her family has some small business, they probably have few crores of properties but better living standards. (not insane money though).

I always saw her as a simple girl, she liked to do some expensive things and spend on luxury but not too much. I had always told her the truth, she knows my childhood stories and how I have spent even my college days on bare minimums - so she knew my finances and choices.

Last year we decided to tell our parents, her parents took quite some convincing and finally met me at her graduation last month and things seemed alright. We had our roka planned this weekend and they came to my home friday evening for dinner, and then called it off. The problem was that they did not like my family's lifestyle and living standards. They don't think she can adjust with our family with all the cultural + standard differences, even though everyone knows she will barely stay here.. only if someone is sick or on festivals. But she also got scared and decided to put hold on roka planned saturday.

For more context on my home - we live in a rented 2BHK, 1500 sqft. in a very good city and locality. We bought a new sofa, dining table and lot of crockery etc because we knew our standards aren't so good. I think I was very emotionally attached to her, even if we fought, I always used to make things up. This time - she has asked for more time now and I don’t think she is planning to convince her parents.

I used to feel like I have worked so hard, now I could just throw money at problems. I even agreed to do a 50-50 split on wedding expense as per their standards and spend 30+ lakh(my dad worked for 30 years and saved lesser than that, so you can imagine what that amount means to me). I really believed money solves all problems, but now I think few crores isn't enough at all.

Now, I don't know what went wrong and what should I do.

Should I convince her and her parents? Maybe I can construct a fancy house on my land. Maybe I should just move on? but what if I don't love anyone again the same.
Was this even love? Were we always imperfect? because I think she would have convinced her parents if she loved me. We had always discussed we will come here only for few days, and live in Bangalore or move out of India. Or is it still fair because girls do have to really adjust and these family things do matter?
I don’t know if I should move on, and how..

PS - I am not able to cry, I think I will feel better if I do but I can’t. Please don't tell me to visit a therapist. I do feel like taking to an astrologer lol but I know its stupid.