I- Attempt to see if the issue may be solved with ice cream. If not a child, patient will likely weep on the way the Baskin-Robbin's. If so, continue.
II- Attempt to talk to the patient. If the water comes from an inconsequential thing, talk through accordingly. If greater, refer to professional talker. If insolvable, or if patient refuses, continue.
III- Be sure to tell the patient how much better they have it than Randy's kid down the street who died from one dink of his head on the who died from one dink of his head on the asphalt. He wasn't wearing a helmet, of course. Remind them to wear a helmet. If this doesn't get their ass in perspective, continue.
IV- Make them write some poetry. That usually helps. If not, continue.
V- Ignore it for a while. It's not cause you're lazy. You're not lazy.
VI- Take them to a beach somewhere. Make sure the water's cold so there's a nice moment where they scream and say the water's cold and run back to your arms. Cause of course that's still going to happen, idiot. They probably wouldn't even go in the water anyway, the ungrateful asshole.
VII-Try the ice cream again.
VIII- Prescribe a handgun.
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