Ranking Dragon Priests based on how much I want them to dump gallons of their ancient draugr piss down my whore throat
Miraak: he’s a worthless piece of shit who doesn’t even deserve a urethra. Soldering it closed. I’M pissing on HIM. On his grave, anyway. He doesn’t deserve my piss either. CHOPPED!
Dukaan: Don’t really think the piss stream would be more than a gentle dribble
Vahlok: Ancient Performative Male his piss probably tastes like feminist literature. From a piss perspective, CHOPPED!
Vokun: No one cares about Vokun you’re genuinely pathetic and desperate if you’d drink this piss
Volsung: Rinse and repeat Vokun dawg…WHO ARE YOU???
Krosis: Really mid piss here, kind of piss you drink if there’s nothing better around. They buried him on top of a mountain because his piss game was so weak. CHOPPED!
Morokei: I think he’d take great pleasure in pissing down throats, but that being said, he seems inexplicably hydrated, and that really fucks the flavors
Nahkriin: He’s been chilling out high as fuck on Skuldafn the air up there probably does something to the water pressure. Taste is on the weaker side but heh, call me a millennial, cause I’d drink from that hose
Zahkriisos: Entering Flavortown
Rahgot: Ol’ Jim Jones here, piss tasting like straight abortion and Molly but whatever
Otar the Mad: Mm, mm, mm, bone apple teeth. No way a guy named “the Mad” has normal piss. Probably has a slight gasoline flavor.
Hevnoraak: I KNOW all the different STDs mingle together to create a delectable seasoning. I want to lie down in his spider pit succumb to paralysis and drown in a bath of his liquid gold.
Ahzidal: BARTENDER! ANOTHER ROUND PLEASE! I would rest my penis on blazing hot coals if it meant I got to look at his left testicle through binoculars. To drink his piss would be a heaven I don’t deserve, but were I granted the blessing of it, I would freeze it and use it as an ice cube in my water bottle every morning.