hi everyone!! this is my first time posting on reddit so apologies if this is hard to read. i’m posting this really just to get it all out of my system but if anyone has advice or just any input i’m glad to hear!
i am 18 and so is my boyfriend. i had a crush on him since i was 15 up until we got together when we were 17. he knew that i had liked him, i told him multiple times that i was interested in him and he rejected me every time. he used to bully me really bad in high school and tell me that i should “cut myself” and the world would be a better place without me. he also would make comments on my body saying things like “nobody will ever date you because of how flat you are”.
so in the beginning of 2025, we got together. i started talking to him again and essentially was making all of the moves on him. i initiated our first kiss, i asked him to prom, i said i love you first, i did everything first. he was extremely nice in the beginning of our relationship, and he always made it seem like he never had a girlfriend or any experience really. which might’ve been my fault for assuming but when asked he never mentioned any exes. a few months in he started talking about his exes a little too much. asking if i had “found them” on social media yet, and when i expressed being uncomfortable with my body (i’ve always been skinny my whole life and bullied for it) he said “oh well i’ve dated bigger girls i like them”. it made me feel bad about myself even more because i’m not big i’m the opposite. when i found these girls in his following i asked him to block them and he didn’t. he eventually did after multiple times asking.
about 6 months into our relationship he logged into my snapchat for something (forgive me i don’t remember what it was) and his contacts synced with my snapchat account. my quick add was full of girls i’ve never seen that said “in my contacts” underneath. it made me so extremely sick and upset, and when i asked he told me they were his “cousins” and i immediately knew something was up because there’s no way there’s that many girls in his family considering i’ve met his family. he told me he just “forgot to delete their numbers” which doesn’t make any sense but ok.
i ended up finding all of these girls social media accounts (my downfall i know), and it was just a slippery slope from there. there was like 50+ girls in his phone. i made him give me all of his social media passwords and he told me “there’s nothing on there that you’ll be upset by”. i logged into his instagram to find all of his ex girlfriends/talking stages/situationships old messages, asking and telling them things i had always asked him to say but he never did. he was so lustful with them, but also it hurts seeing him text these girls first and pursue them when i did all the work into getting him. i also found messages with his friends talking about these girls and how beautiful they are, showing pictures, saying they have “big tits” and things of that nature. but i found messages between him and his friends talking about me, and he was saying that he’s had prettier girls than me and that he’ll “be fine” losing me. i didn’t find anything saying nice things about me. just that he doesn’t want to be with me because of “drama” (in high school i had a ton of drama because my ex boyfriend raped me and people accused me of lying). he let his friends say bad things about me as well. i also found out he was using dating apps to find these girls.
i’m just really tired. is the relationship worth saving? i don’t think he’s going to cheat on me but i really can’t be sure. i’ve been cheated on many times and i don’t want to go through it again. he tries to reassure me but i can never unsee those messages. i get agitated when he does almost anything because i just think of all the other girls he’s said/done it to. if you’re still reading thank you for listening to me it means a lot!!!