struggling after five months
my first kitty died horrifically and unexpectedly in december. saddle thrombus. he was in agony. i had ptsd & ocd before that happened, but it’s caused both to spiral out of control. i’m in therapy and on meds and doing better overall, but i still just have these moments.
i have had a new kitty for 3 months now. i’m going on vacation for 2.5 days this weekend. i’ve never left either of my kitties overnight before and i’m so terrified. i’ve never even left overnight without taking my first kitty’s urn with me. i can’t do that this time.
i have a rover sitter who was great at the meet and greet, they’re staying overnight and will be around a lot. i’m losing my shit though. i leave tomorrow. i’ve had so many breakdowns about it today. i’m so scared that my kitty is going to die, and it’s going to be my fault for leaving her.
i also just feel insanely stupid because it’s been so long? i can’t talk to my friends anymore about it. i know i’m gonna cry every night. it’s embarrassing. my brain feels broken. i understand that i’m just more susceptible to ptsd due to my history but wow i feel like such a child when it tears its head like this.