I just feel like I’m very unlikable. I’m rather loud, talkative but also slightly awkward.
I hung out with a friend today and I felt like I said all the wrong things. Like I wasn’t reacting correctly and that she found me weird and boring. Even though there are no evidence she doesn’t like me as she invites me out to eat pretty often and spend out break times together.
There is also a guy whom I might have a crush on. But I feel like the biggest creep whenever I talk to him. I feel so nervous and anxious and I never say anything that interesting. That makes me feel like he just, dislikes me and is bothered by me. I was never confident around guys, when I was in middle school, most of the ones in my class fun of my face a lot and I naturally grew anxious whenever I’m around one. Maybe I’m just not confident and don’t like myself. I mean, no wonder I feel like this, I don’t like myself enough to feel comfortable around someone I like because I feel like I would dislike me if I was the that person.
Maybe it’s because I had people tell me(I don’t even know if it was a joke or not) to get a surgery to fix my vocal cords so I can’t be more quiet, that I’m embarrassing to talk to and that I have the talent for freezing the room. Maybe that just makes me awkward and anxious around people because I feel like I’m creeping them out.
I’m sorry this is messy. I’m just tired and needed to get this off my chest.