AITAH for asking reimbursement
I (32F) am married and wanted to separate first week of February 2026. So I left towards a shelter. While on my way to the shelter my husband’s cousin (30F) calls me and asks if I want to join her and her daughter for dinner. I thank her and tell her due to circumstances that im not able to join she continues asking me what is going on and I tell. She says for a while she feels things are not okay and she hasn’t been recognizing her cousin at all claiming it is the right decision to leave. But I shouldn’t do this on my own and take her help. Which I appreciate and so on I move in with her temporarily to get back on my feet. I move out after 7 days because of the following.
In this week a lot happens. I have my husband as background on my phone. Saved as a cute name and i would stay in contact with him that week by waking him up in the morning, he has trouble getting up. During the day every interaction with him turned into an argument but that didn’t change that I would still wake him up the next day by calling him until he got up. She told me to have 0 contact with him and to delete everything (background picture, delete his number, old pictures we have, and not go back to positive times or consider him in my future at all) and this was difficult for me. I felt unheard and pushed to do things I wasn’t ready for.
Also I do groceries for myself she said I should which I understand you already provide a roof you don’t want me to eat up your groceries. So I would buy myself all kind of groceries but I do have to mention, I adore cooking and am very good at it. The cousin isn’t. Therefore her daughter would look at me a look when I would be prepping something for myself. Could be a fried egg on a roll or just something in the airfryer, or actual meals. Her daughter ate at least twice a day with me where I would make her food. I didn’t mind this at all considering she is a child and I love to cook, but I did feel it in my wallet 2 people were eating and since I have no income. I still didn’t mind. For the house I would buy cases of seltzer water, desserts, spices, cottonballs for nails, candys, weed etc. I would share everything. Weed was actually the cousins idea but I ended up paying for it. I also did all the house chores that week. All the dishes constantly even though I didn’t eat first 2 days. Taking trash out, sweeping almost daily, dusting, cleaning kitchen and bathroom. Well that was about it but Ive been a good guest for those 7 days in my opinion.
Now this is where im wondering if I was the AH.
The day the cousin picked me up to move in with her, she asked me to bring my most valuable items. This was not a lot so I brought clothing I could rely on. A giftcard with $25 on it to just spend on whatever. Important mail and couple kitchen items I frequently use.
The day I want to leave to move into an Airbnb she is refusing it. We get into a 2 hour discussion where she is just not taking no for an answer telling me how I really need her and her place to build myself up. It feels weird and I stand by I want to leave. So prevent any longer discussion I book an Uber in her face to let her now I am for real. I have 10 minutes according to the app to meet my driver.
I start packing as fast as I can, but some stuff is not in the place where I left it last. So i bring all my stuff besides 3 things. Certain important mail it was in 2 places I only got it from 1 place. The smasher that she put away in a cabinet I didn’t know of. And the other half of my groceries which was in the freezer. I didn’t get my spices and fridge stuff. So I leave in a rush and honestly pretty irritated too. But again I leave it. I come to the Airbnb and realize what stuff is missing and contact her immediately. She says she rather brings it by, which I really appreciate since I don’t have a car. I do feel like she wanted to be nosy but again. I didn’t mind. She comes by with my mail and freezer items but no smasher and no giftcard. The card I already wanted to give to her daughter so again I let it be. But the smasher was a wedding gift from my SIL. Something I really like and use a lot. My story is already detailed and long so I wont go deeper into it but this has a special meaning to me. When I notice that the smasher wasn’t there I notified her immediately and asked if I could pick it up. I couldn’t she was busy. It was a bit weird to me because she is also jobless, and only goes to the gym. I keep asking every other day but she is busy. Halfway March it’s her birthday and I congratulate her and ask when I can come by to give her some gifts she says she will let me know. She doesn’t let me know anything. End of March its her daughters birthdays and again I congratulate her and tell her also for her daughter I have some gifts and also hers so let me know when I can come by. She says she will let me know I don’t hear a thing. A couple days later another cousin texts me saying they are at so and so her place cutting cake for the daughter if my husband and I want to join. I forgot to mention but while being in the Airbnb my husband and I made up. I receive this message around 6pm, reply around 8pm that we would loved it if we knew. Got another reply around 9pm stating we didn’t cut it yet. But when I replied to that saying husband had to work at 5am I got no replies anymore. This was april 3rd.
April 10th I contact the cousin to ask about my smasher. She says again she is too busy and I cant come by and she can’t bring it either. Which makes me say, can you please bag it and leave it by your front door I will pick it up on my own time. She said she moved and she can’t do that. Which is weird, how do you move within a week and notify nobody. I let it be, so im telling she can mail it to me. Or bring it by family. She said she can’t its in a storage. At this point I ask for reimbursement to purchase myself a new one.
She accused me of being nasty to her for asking for reimbursement. This is an actual message I received; “Yeah, so I’m not really feeling your attitude and the fact that you’re being nasty to me about your shit that you left behind I think you lost your mind and I don’t think you’d understand who you’re talking to take care. I’m not reimbursing you for shit.”
I already know I wasn’t being nasty and explained why I give reimbursement as a last option and got ignored and blocked. I still give her time to rethink and do something. April 30 I contact the cousins mom to tell about the situation and ask her to touch base with the cousin. The mom does and calls me back today saying it’s an item I left behind myself I should have just packed my stuff beter the day I left and I shouldn’t involve people that weren’t there.
I explain that if I deal with this the way I usually deal with it, it will mean that I cut you off for not giving back my belongings and also the fuss that it was to get to that point. And when I do cut people off it goes for me and my husband. I don’t think something this small should lead to that. But if it does lead to it that its not my fault. When you packed my smasher to bring to a storage knowing I have been asking for it is genuinely weird to me. Also the fact she never ever had the time to open a door for 2 minutes to hand an item over. AITAH and how would you solve this?
Just some fyi. I havent worked in 4 years. Im from Eu in USA. Only got legal november 2025. I have no income no money, when my family figured out I was staying there they all gathered money together which was like $115 and they send it through paypal. This was finished in one week buying stuff for the house. The cousin kept saying I have to make sure I get more like couple thousand that didn’t sit well either hence why I left.