Quitting MMO as a FC(Guild) Leader
Today, I made the decision to leave FFXIV after 1.5 years and over 2,500 hours of playtime. I was a FC (guild) leader with no successor, so my quitting also led to the closure of my FC.
I tried to do everything right. I messaged members who might want to take over first (nobody wanted to), I messaged all my closest friends letting them know before hand and writing personal thank yous, I made a clear discord announcement with actionable steps and a final date of closure (1 week from today). I was met with overwhelming support, kindness and understanding by my members/friends.
But I feel such a mix of emotions. I will miss the game, the social side, the feeling of reward from a long grind, the creativity to come up with events and decorate my houses, but, I can't help but feel like it is not worth the trade of all it's taken from me.
Before finding FFXIV, I had never played an MMO. I had gamed lightly over the years, some Minecraft 2 week phases and single player adventures (and a scary amount of overwatch during early COVID but we don't count that ok). I had other hobbies then - I read dozens of books a year, I was working on my own novel (for real this time I swear), I did yoga and meditation regularly, I did embroidery. I had plans to try pottery and one day learn piano. All of these things fell to the wayside once FFXIV consumed me.
For the first several months of FFXIV, I was unemployed, depressed, heartbroken/newly single, and empty. I woke up and turned on the computer. I barely took care of myself, eating only when I was starving, barely drinking water, only playing the game. When I would get off after a day of gaming, I would read FFXIV subreddits in bed until I passed out with my phone in my hand and I would do it all over again the next day.
If starting FFXIV was my first mistake, becoming an FC leader was my second. Now, I had people expecting me. I had crops to water every day and ships to send out and social obligations to fulfil. I had events to schedule and plan, a website to update, applications and interviews to process. It became a job that I was paying to do, halfly with the nominal subscription fee, halfly with the hours and hours sunk every week.
I even had to private my steam hours from friends because I was so ashamed.
Despite all this, somehow I landed an amazing job. With opportunities and a promotion and something I had always wanted to do. This is what broke me out, because as I sat with my planner writing meetings and configuring the summer schedule I realised, I couldn't do it all again this year, not only because I simply did not have the time, but because I couldn't allow myself to waste away another year.
I thought of last year's summer, when I didn't watch a single sunset. I didn't swim once. I didn't go to a beach or a farmer's market or hike or anything. An entire summer - WHEN I WAS UNEMPLOYED!!! completely wasted. Gone.
I realised then it was addiction. I found this subreddit. I scrolled and scrolled. I made the plan, I consulted my friend, and I put it into action.
I still have more free time that most, even in this beautiful future without FFXIV. Without a partner or family, with a flexible, healthy-hours job, I have so, so much time. So, as long as I'm writing again, reading, watching the sunset and trying new things, I'll still game a little. Maybe some Minecraft or overwatch with a friend. A transition, in a way. But when the summer peaks, I'm going to do a month or two completely away, no games, just real life. See how it feels.
Thank you for listening. I wanted to share my story in case there is another guild/FC leader feeling trapped by obligation, or formerly hobby-full people feeling empty and hollow. You aren't alone.
I know 1.5 years, 2,500 hours isn't that bad. Like a stage one cancer, I'm glad to have caught it when I did.